Wednesday, January 15, 2014

needing HIM

If ever I doubt whether or not GOD wants to speak to me on a daily basis, I must remember this, in the times where I am sleeping the best, HE can, will, and does RIP me from that blessed sleep when there is something urgent that I must know and learn.  This morning was no different, and at 3.a.m. I would soon learn that HE was needing me to understand something.

HIS Daily Teachings today was to remind me of my bible study from the other day.   How quickly through one day of NOT seeking HIM as I was dealing with a sick child yesterday did I forget my spiritual open heart surgery.  As I began to go through my journal and read what I learned on that particular day, I realized that HE wasn't just going to stop there.  No, true to HIS word, HE was going to take me even further than I "thought" HE would, and once again I would be left to eat a HUGE slice of humble pie.

In order for you to understand how this came about, HE is asking me to tell you about my day yesterday. What started off as strong with me getting things done around the house, quickly became the excuses as to why I couldn't continue.  What I know now is that I had allowed  my heart to be conditioned to be angry at one of my children, and by 4 p.m. this MAMA was on FIRE! 

My poor nine year old daughter was on the receiving end of my wrath.  As she began to question why she had the responsibilities she had, I lit into her.  I began to speak to her in a way less-than GOD honoring way.  I spent so much time speaking down to her, that I failed to see how much I pushed her in the ground just so I could feel better about myself, and "feel" more comfortable about the excuses that I had been making all day long.  Before I went to sleep last night, I apologized to GOD, and NOT to her, but I did pour my heart out to HIM, however even though I "thought" I truly meant it, I know now that I wasn't even close to being sorry.  

I once shared this saying on facebook that went something like this: "that time where you punish your child for acting just like you."  YES here it comes, HUMBLE PIE!  As I began to journal this morning all my mind could think of is, "LORD I NEED YOU, HELP ME TO KEEP AN OPEN HEART!"

HE is teaching me that living with an open heart means coming to HIM when HE calls me, NOT when I "feel" like it.  HE has reminded me of that by showing me that I, Heather EXPECT my children to obey me RIGHT NOW!  HE has shown me that when they "fail" to obey me I get angry, and how quickly I lose grace for them.  Today is letting me know that even though there are times where I don't obey HIM right now, HIS grace NEVER runs out for me.  Instead, HE continues to call my name until I answer HIM.

Now this is NOT to say that things are easy, in fact just the opposite.  If anything when I fail to obey HIM right now, that is when things get tough, as that is when I decide that "my way" is much better than "HIS way."  How foolish I am in my thinking, and how exasperated I would be if I were my own parent.

Now there is a saddening thought.  If I had to choose to be a Mama to someone, I wouldn't choose my own self.  So naturally GOD is letting me know that the very thing that drives me up one wall and down the other, is exactly WHO my own children are, as they are JUST LIKE ME.   GAHHHHHH!!!!  LORD, are you kidding me?!?  Okay, okay, so I've had enough of this humble pie, moving on................. please???

If ever I doubt will HE ever stop teaching me, HE is so quick to remind me that HE will NEVER be done teaching me.  HE is wanting me to know that keeping an open heart means abandoning all logic, and trusting HIM completely.  HE is telling me that I must let go of what the world is telling me I should do, and listen to HIM as HE is the one who truly understands what I need to do.

With an open heart means living just as JESUS did, with a heart for people.  Full of love, and compassion, understanding, and grace.  To see people beyond their hurt, beyond their sin.  To love in a way that they will see JESUS within me loving them.  Oh how I long for the day when other's will see HIM in me, and I won't make so many foolish mistakes.

As always HE is reminding me of what I am supposed to be doing through a song of worship, one of which brings me to my knees every time I hear it, and sing it.  "My Soul Now to Stand" by Hillsong United has once again reminded me of WHO HE is, and what I am called to do.

"You stood before my failure Carried the Cross for my shame My sin weighed upon Your shoulders My soul now to stand So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart O God
Completely to You So I'll walk upon salvation Your Spirit alive in me This life to declare Your promise My soul now to stand"

Through singing this song this morning HE is reminding me that in keeping an open heart means trusting HIM and choosing to BELIEVE HE is WHO HE says HE is, and that HE will do what HE says HE will do. Even though I have written that very line over and over in several posts, I tend to forget WHO HE is.   That very thought is maddening and saddening to me all at the same time.  I am mad, as when I forget WHO HE is, I lose sight of HIS will, HIS plan, and HIS purpose for my life, and I allow myself to be mislead, straight away from HIS kingdom.  It saddens me as when this happens, my life falls apart, and the strong faith that I have been feeling is slipping, and it will take some tough love from HIM, and lots of HUMBLE PIE to bring me to where I need to be.

So my question to HIM this morning was, "if I know this, then why LORD do I always allow myself to forget, and make so many foolish mistakes?"  Thankfully HIS loving response was this, "because without you forgetting, you wouldn't be able to see just how much you need ME."  

This morning, I am so thankful that one who gave it all up for me, seeks me, and holds tight to my  heart, even tighter when I am slipping, and places people in circumstances in my life to remind me of WHO HE is.  HE is wanting me to know that with an open heart for me means putting my life in HIS hands.  Knowing and trusting that HE can, will, and does every thing for my own good.

"Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

HE is wanting me to know that if ever I am being blinded by worldly things, HE will reveal the truth, HIS truth to me, and that HE can, will, and does cure my of my blindness that Satan and his demons "try" to keep as a part of my life.  Never before had I really understood the line in "Amazing Grace" "was blind but now I see" that is until now.  HE is wanting me to know that the very blindness, or darkness that I am being kept in will only be until I seek HIM, as HE is my light, HE is the lamp unto my feet.   HE will show me how to live, how to love, how to forgive, how to do everything that I need to do.  I know all of this to be true, because HE has proven HIMSELF time and again just how much HE loves me.

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

"Your word is a lamp for my feet,a light on my path." Psalm 119:105

HE is wanting me to know that for me, living with an open heart means freedom, as HE has already paid my debt so that I can live in freedom with HIM, and that one day I will be able to live an eternal life in HEAVEN with HIM and HIS FATHER.

With an open heart means me telling HIM daily, "LORD I need YOU so much in my life,  give me faith to trust what YOU say, that YOUR good, and YOUR love is great"  Once again, HE is reminding me of how much I need HIM through a song that I have sung so many times over the past year and that is "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship

"I need you,  to soften my heart,  to break me apart.  I need you, to open my eyes, to see that you're shaping my life.  All I am,  I surrender.  Give me faith to trust what you say, that you're good and your love is great.   I'm broken inside, I give you my life

In the past two days, I have learned so much about what living with an open heart means, but the one thing that I have really understood to be the most important thing is this:  I must boldly declare that HE is LORD of my life.  I must be willing to SHOUT IT, SCREAM IT, from the mountains.  I must let anyone, and everyone who I come in contact know that I, Heather, have decided to follow JESUS, and there is NO turning back!

HIS grace, is HIS loving do-over for me today, and for that I am so incredibly blessed.  When my young daughter wakes up, I can't wait to share HIS good news with her, and to be able to pray with her, and ask her for her forgiveness.  

I pray today that if you too are in need of a do-over you will know that HIS grace is sufficient enough for you to have one.  I pray that you will seek HIM and ask HIM to open your heart to HIS teachings so that you will be able to live a truly blessed life.  I pray that if you've never prayed to HIM, or spoken of HIM, that you will say out loud right now, "JESUS I need you" and know and trust, and BELIEVE that HE is there, and HE is waiting for you.

Praying for HIS blessings for you all my dear friends, 


No comments:

Post a Comment