Friday, September 20, 2013

"not my plan"

When I think back to my childhood, I can say that I never was a "dreamer."  I wasn't a little girl who dreamed of her wedding day, or who dreamed of becoming a mother.  However, as I have already told you in my previous writings GOD'S plan was for me to be married, and to be a Mama before I was barely out of my teens.  

It was "not my plan," to meet my soul-mate at the tender age of sixteen.  When I met D, my world was falling apart, and as one door was opening, another was closing.   When we started dating I never would have imagined what twists and turns my life would take and how our love story would be begin.

D and my first date was him picking me up at my house.  I remember getting ready for our date, carefully choosing what to wear.  I remember anxiously waiting for him to pull up in my driveway, and whisk me away from all that was wrong in my life.   I remember walking across the street to tell my dad that I was going on a date with D, and him giving me the approval (which this in itself was a miracle, as I was NEVER allowed to do much of anything)  I remember running back over and sitting on the back steps as D pulled into the driveway.  He got out of his car, and smiled at me, asked me if I was ready to go, and said that he had a surprise planned for me.

As we were driving we began talking about our day, and I found myself just wanting to listen to him talk, as his life had to be so much better than my own.  I now know that I was afraid of revealing too much of myself then to him, as I probably would have scared him away.  When we arrived at our "planned" destination D quickly realized that he had forgotten one important thing, and therefore his plans began to unravel.

However, when D's plans failed, GOD took over, and so began our love story.  I remember riding in D's car that day, talking, laughing, and sharing stories for hours.  While our first date wasn't D's plans, it was however GOD'S plan.  

Over the years, D and my plan's have fallen apart.  Only to be outdone by HIS plans.  I can't begin to recall how many times I have felt that circumstances in my life were "not my plan," however they were HIS plans. This past month has been no exception as to the lengths that GOD will go to, to show me that even though it is "not my plan," HIS plan for my life is far greater than anything I could possibly imagine.

As D and I began house hunting three weeks ago, we fell in love with the third house we viewed.  I quickly pictured our family in it.  I knew who would get what room.  I envisioned myself baking in the kitchen, and our family dinners and Christmas.  I could see my children playing in the backyard, and D grilling out on the patio.  As I walked through the house, I felt like I was "home."  As we walked into the backyard, emotions over took me, and I began to cry.  I raised my hands high into the air and I began to pray for GOD to bless us with this house, and to bless our children in their new schools.  I prayed for our next chapter, and our new journey.  However, I failed to remember one important detail, one of which I am sure I will forget again, and that is, "not my plan" is what HE is all about! 

As we drove away from what I felt was to be our "home." I cried, and prayed, and practically begged GOD to let us have it.  GOD quickly let me know that my plans were not HIS plans, and as my Soul-Sister K and I like to say, "I needed to stop trying to steer the ship."  

A week and half later GOD'S plans were revealed to me, and that was what I "thought" was to be our next home, was not even close to what HE had planned for us.  In fact it would be three weeks later, and more tests of my faith before HE would reveal to me what our next home would be.

Never would I have ever imagined that we would end up almost exactly where we were living eight years ago.  Eight long, grueling, storm filled, heartache, life changing years.  Eight years ago, D and I were chasing "The American Dream." We were so wrapped up in our own plans, that we failed to remember that our lives were based on HIS plans, and not ours.

Eight years ago, our family dynamic was forever changed, as our world was rocked by tradgedy.  I am so thankful that even though we went through something that no one should ever have to endure, HIS plans for our lives outweighed the bad things that had happened to us.  I am so thankful that even though it was "not my plan," to have my faith tested and stretched in the way that it was, GOD knew what was best for me, and HIS plans would mold me and shape me into the woman of CHRIST that I am today.

Eight years ago, D and I began a journey of hope, forgiveness, love, courage, freedom, and restoration.  It was the start of our lives being turned upside down, and though Satan "tried" his best to destroy us, it only made us stronger.

D and I have been through so much together in the 18 years of life that we  have shared.  We will be celebrating 15 years of marriage next month, and next weekend we will be moving for the 18th time in our 18 years of being together.  

This move however, is different from anyone move we have ever made as, it was all through our faith.  Blind faith to be exact.  Never before in my life had I gone out on "blind faith" and trusted GOD with every single detail of my life.  Never before had I surrendered so hard and fell so violently to my knees in brokenness and cried out daily to my SAVIOR to please, teach, lead, and guide me how to live my life, as it was "not my plan" to struggle, and to let go.... and let GOD.  

The past few months I have learned more about HIS plans for my life, than I have in my 10 year journey of walking with HIM.  HIS Daily Teaching today was revealed to me today through the very first chapter of Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to See."  The title of the chapter was "not my plan."  

As I read what "not my plan," meant for Mary, I began to think about what it meant for me.  I know that it was "not my plan," to be a Mama of one much less five.  However, I am a Mama to five amazing children, and I wouldn't change anything.  I would trade my life for anything else in this world.  I am thankful to have been chosen to be called Mama by five of my greatest blessings.  I am so thankful to be D's wife, and to have him lead our family, and provide for our family so selflessly.  I am so thankful that for eight long years D's sacrifices to our family taught him and I about obedience and what it truly means to do all things for HIS glory and not ours.

Today I am thankful that even though it was "not my plan," to uproot our family, and have to start-over, HIS plans for us are to prosper us, and to give us hope and a future.  I am thankful for HIS many blessings that HE has poured over our family.  I am thankful that I can share with confidence and boldly declare who HE is and what HE has done in our lives.  I am thankful that my life is a living testament of HIS goodness, and HIS mercy.  I am thankful that even when I mess up, and fall on my face, HE is there waiting to rescue me, and for me to surrender.  Today I am so thankful that I am NOT in control of my life.  Today I am thankful that HIS plans for my life have taken me further than I could have ever imagined.

I pray today that if you are struggling with GOD not following your "plans," that you will surrender and allow HIM to reveal HIS plans to you.   I pray today that your life will be a living testament for others to see the great blessings that come from your obedience in choosing to follow HIS plans for your life.  I pray today that you will surrender and fall to your knees, and let go..... and let GOD teach, lead, and guide you how to live your life today.  I pray today through your obedience that HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life.


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