Tuesday, September 10, 2013

"wrapped up"

So, as you can probably already tell, I have been busy.  First with the news from my husband that he has taken a new job, and we are moving in less than 3 weeks.  Second, in the midst of that exciting news we were getting ready to leave for our family vacation to Gatlinburg, TN.  Third our computer has been on the fritz so I haven't been able to type out my blog.  However, I have been able to do my bible study everyday, but even as I have been able to, I haven't done one for the past six days.

This morning, I could feel HIM urging me to get out of my nice comfy bed, Oh did I mention that we got home at 11:15pm last night, and I didn't get to bed till almost midnight?!? So naturally when I sensed HIM urging me, I "tried" to pretend I didn't hear HIM, and stayed adamant that indeed I was NOT going to get out of bed.  However, as always HE had a different plan for me, to which brings me to HIS Daily Teachings for today.

In the past week I have become so "wrapped up" in the things I "think" I can control, that I have lost sight of HIM, and HIS magnificence that HE is in my life.  I have overlooked one important thing, hmmm, indeed I am NOT in control!  Not by a long shot.... I shudder to think of how foolish I have become in my thinking that I needed to get a handle on everything.  It pains me to know how much time I have wasted worrying, and fretting about things beyond my control.  HE is telling me today, that rather than worrying and fretting, HE wants me to ask for prayer.  So, because I have allowed myself to get so "wrapped up" in my life's circumstances that are beyond my control, I have made a mess of things once again.  

Today I am asking for prayers for a peaceful transition for D for his job.  I ask for prayers for me to NOT worry, but TRUST that HE has it all under HIS control and not mine.  I ask for prayers for peace for my children, as we do not currently know where we will be living in less than 3 weeks.  I ask for prayers for peace for me, so that I can complete the tasks at hand and not feel so overwhelmed.

Today HE is reminding me once again, that HE will provide my every need!  Therefore, I must stay faithful, and believe HE is who HE says HE is!  I must believe HE will do what HE says HE will do!  I must trust HIM!   I must honor HIM with the work of my hands.  I must remember the needs of others, and keep my mind off of myself, and all of my "needs."  I must do what HE calls me to do, no matter how I may "feel!"  I must be strong and courageous, as HE is my source of strength, and through HIM I will find the courage I need to face every obstacle in my life!  I must work hard, and NOT slack off!  HE is telling me that it is through my obedience that HE will pour HIS favor and blessings over my life, and my families life.  I must do HIS good works HE has placed in my heart, and when I do I know that HE can, will, and does prosper me!  I must meditate on this verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I must speak boldly of HIS goodness, and share HIS message of truth, hope, love, grace, and forgiveness.  I must seek HIM to give me the balance that I am needing when my life's circumstances are beyond my control.  This morning HE is wanting me to realize that every single time life throws me a curve ball, I spiral out of control.  I always view my problems as bigger than HIM.  Today HE is asking me to trust HIM, that HE is GOD, and HE is good, and HE will meet and provide for all of my needs with HIS abundance!  Today HE is asking me to get "wrapped up" in HIM so that I will remain balanced, and not find myself running on empty.

"As long as you live, you will be receiving nourishment, responding to what's been deposited in you, and resting from your labors (both physically and spiritually)" Susie Larson "Balance That Works When Life Doesn't"

I must remember that though I may not be able to control what is happening to me,  I can be at peace knowing that HE is in control.  Today HE is letting me know that I need to shift my focus off of myself and all the things I need to do.  I must not allow myself to become too busy to spend time with HIM.  HE is letting me know that HE would only sustain for only so long before HE would allow me to self-destruct.  This very statement, leads me to my downfall, and the start of my latest mess that I have found myself in.

While traveling with our five children, and NOT putting HIM first in my day, and NOT journaling, and NOT blogging, well to put it mildly I have fallen apart.  In every area.  I have learned this past six days, that I can't just pray and talk to HIM, I must seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my day.   

At around 3pm yesterday afternoon D, and I decided that we would stop and eat a late lunch, early dinner with our children.  Upon arriving to the restaurant, as we were getting the children out of car seats, and seat belts, I noticed that the diaper bag for our youngest was dumped upside down.  None of the contents could be seen, and so I began the unfortunate task of shifting through the piles of stuff thrown on the floor by our children.  Candy wrappers, food wrappers, kleenex, garbage, toys, books, shoes, socks, blankets, pillows.... you name it, it was there... oh not too mention food... sticky, gross, what in the world is this substance   Hmm, well I think I have painted a good enough mental picture for you.  Back to trying to restock diaper bag, I could feel myself starting to "lose it."  I could feel the tension rising up in me, and I could feel myself ready to explode.  

It was no surprise that the moment my oldest started talking to me, and said, "Mama I'm trying to help you, calm down, don't be so angry," well I "lost it,"  Before I could even stop it the words came flying out of my mouth.  I said something that was so horrible to her, and damaging to her spirit, and our relationship.  Oh how quickly I wanted to eat those words.  Once, again I had failed on every level as a Mama to extend grace to my children, and to heed HIS warnings that HE has sent to me.

When we were seated at our table, I purposely did NOT sit by her.  After all, didn't she know better not to mess with me?  I sat there playing the excuses over and over in my head in my pathetic "need" to justify myself.  However, GOD had much bigger plans for me, to my horror, HE allowed me to feel the magnitude of my mistake, and my dishonoring not only to HIM, but to my daughter.  As I sat there, I put my head in my hands, and slowly the tears began to fall.  When I realized it was going to be much more than just a few tears, and a HUGE waterfall, I quickly got up from my chair and headed straight to the bathroom.  

Locked safely away from little eyes, I fell hard into HIS arms.  I cried my heart out.  I cried all my frustration, my worry, my anger, my strife, everything.  I would like to say that after my cry I felt better, however that was not to be the case.  I would be eight long hours after that before we would arrive home, and by then I was so utterly and completely done with everyone, including me.  

I went to bed, and didn't pray.  I went to bed exhausted, and feeling like a failure.  I went to bed feeling defeated.  Thankfully HIS plans for met this morning were much better than me sitting around wallowing in self-pity.  NO, HIS plans were for me to get into HIS word and to meditate on HIS word.  

So today, I am going to face my tasks at hand with honor and integrity.  With joy, and gladness that I have been chosen to live this life that I have been blessed with.   Today I am going to take the time to play with my little boys.  Today I am going to get so "wrapped up" in HIS love and grace, that I will feel balanced in the busyness that is my life.

I pray today that you will get yourself "wrapped up" in HIM and HIS plans for your life.  I pray today that you will seek the one who loves and knows you best.  I pray today that you will let going of your worries, and stress, and let HIM teach, lead, and guide you every single moment of your day.


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