Thursday, March 6, 2014

true confidence

For the past 5 days, I have been screaming inside, "LORD help me please, please help me to know what I need to do next."  For the past 4 months my marriage to D has really been weathering some HUGE storms.  It has been through this current storm we are in, that HIS truth was revealed to me.  A truth, that in itself has been very hard for me to hear, and almost unbearable to face.  

Throughout the 19 years of my relationship with D, he has been my rock.  He has loved me, supported me, fought for me, lifted me, built me up, encouraged me, and even when we couldn't stand to be in the same room together, he still wanted what was best for me.

For the past four months I have become painfully aware of how quiet D has become in our marriage.  It is in the quiet time that I have fallen on my face in self pity.  In failing to see that it is NOT something I have done, but rather what HE is doing to bring me to my knees so that I would fully surrender and rely on HIM. 

HIS Daily Teachings today is to show me that the longing that I have in my heart, can only be filled by HIM.

"But the reality is, every single thing the world offers is temporary.  No person, possession, profession, or position can ever fill the cup of  a wounded, insecure heart -- not my heart, not your heart.  It's an emptiness only GOD can fill.  Only GOD can give true confidence." Lysa TerKeurst

HE is revealing to me today that D's love and adoration for me has become quiet, as HE is wanting me to know that HE is the only one I truly need.  HE is wanting me to know that my world being slowly stripped away was designed specifically and perfectly by HIM to bring me to my knees, and draw me close to HIM.

HE is wanting me to know that for so long I have relied on D to be my source of strength.  HE is wanting me to know that in order to be the woman HE has called me to be, I  must choose to seek HIM, and know that HE is my only source of strength.  HE is wanting me to know that the longing that I have for acceptance, feeling worthy, adoration, love, and confidence can only come from HIM.

Today HE is having me face my greatest weakness and that is the lack of confidence that I have in myself based upon how I have been treated in my past.  HE is wanting me to know that my past doesn't define me, and even if it did, HE was there in my past, HE has been with me all of my life, HE is with  me now, and HE knows WHO I will become in my future. HE is telling me that is HIS truth, and HIS promise to me.

This past Monday I heard Joyce Meyer talk about her 30/30 challenge.  This challenge was about studying GOD's word for 30 days, and 30 minutes everyday.  She went on to talk about that it's NOT the quantity of HIS word you study, but rather the quality of study that you receive from HIS word.  She went on to say that it is better for you to receive HIS message through one scripture, than to read an entire chapter and not receive anything at all.

Since Monday each day HE has been speaking to me through HIS word, with just one verse every single day.  I only realized that this morning as I began typing this blog.  HIS Daily Teaching today came to me through HIS word as it has been written 

 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

HE is wanting me to understand that this doesn't mean I can just go out and do whatever I want just because I know that HE is in me.  This means that I can do anything with HIM, through  HIM, as HE is my strength, as long as it is HIS will for my life.  I am learning that this means, just because I feel like it, or want to do something, doesn't mean that it will happen that way, or if it does, it doesn't mean that HE will bless me for the decisions I make.  Therefore, I must be certain that I am seeking HIM daily, and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to ensure that I am following HIS plan, and HIS purpose that HE has for my life.

HE is revealing to me that this is the very reason HE has stripped me all away from the support and encouragement that I had in our previous church, and home.  HE is wanting me to know that my time of relying on other's for my strength and sense of security, is up.  HE is wanting me to know that HE is my strength, and HE is the only one I need in order to have the true confidence I am so desperately needing.

Once again HE is asking me to go ALL in and to trust HIM completely that HE truly does have my best interest at heart.  HE is asking me to pick up my cross and follow HIM, and to do what HE tells me to do, when HE tells me to do it.  HE is wanting me to know that this cross that I am carrying is heavy, but it is heavy for a reason.  HE is wanting me to know that if it were easy, then I wouldn't need HIM, and if I didn't need HIM then why would HE pay such an enormous ransom for my life?  This very thought brings me straight to my knees as the tears flow down my face.  I am in awe once again of just how much HE loves me.

" Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." Luke 9:23

HE is wanting me to know that it is HIS divine plan for my life to break me down to strip ALL of my old self away, so that I will then be able to be made new in HIS image, and be able to follow and live out HIS will for my life.  It is my constant prayer that whenever someone looks at me that they will see more of HIM and less of me.  HE is telling me that by allowing HIM to create a new me will allow me to see HIS will for my life, and it is then that I will realize that I am indeed HIS, and in knowing that I will be covered in HIS favor.

HE is teaching me that the true confidence I am longing for comes from HIM, it comes to me, into me, through HIS loving touch.  HE has reminded me once again of how far HE has brought me through my life.  This morning I was searching for a particular songs lyrics that reminded me of what HE is teaching me this morning.  Feeling frustrated as I couldn't find it, HE brought me straight to the song, "Just One Touch," and just like that I was brought right back to my knees, and reminded of just how much HE loves me.

It is amazing to me, that without even really opening my bible today HE has given me a whole message to type on today's blog.  HE is wanting me to share with all of you that HE is there, that HE is the true confidence that you are looking for.  HE is wanting me to share that nothing of this world will ever satisfy your craving or thirst for feeling confident.  HE is our only source for true confidence.

I pray today that my story, my mess, HIS beautiful message will fill you with HIS hope that HE has for you. I pray that you will seek HIM to find out your worth, to know that you are loved, and that you are cherished.  I pray that you will have the courage to pick up your cross and follow HIM, and allow HIM to bring you face to face with your weakness, as it is in our weakness that we will find HIS strength.

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9


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