Monday, May 12, 2014

being Mama

For the greater part of this season of Motherhood that I am in, I have lived in the darkness.  Being Mama has been my greatest challenge, as I grew up without a Mama myself, and the women that I did have in my life weren't anything that even closely resembled a Mama to me.  They were Mama's to others, but for some reason, I was kept in the darkness when it came to having someone who was being Mama to me.

I wasn't a little girl who ever dreamed of becoming a Mama one day, or who dreamnt of her wedding, and what she would wear.  So naturally when I met my soul-mate, my husband of now 15 years, I was thrown completely off guard that we would marry 3.5 years later, and just four months after that I would venture into this role of being Mama.  

I remember when we brought M home from the hospital.  She was amazing to me, and I pinched myself over and over again in my disbelief that I was someone's Mama.  For the first few weeks of her precious little life all I could do was stare in awe at her, her beauty, her sweetness, her gentleness, and her calmness.  I would hold her up close to my heart, and rub my cheek across her tiny, sweet little head for hours.  I would sing to her, and rock her, and just love her as I had never loved anyone in my entire life.  

As she began to grow, and become more demanding, the reality of being Mama was really setting in.  D was in his senior year in college, and worked two jobs on top of that to make ends meet for us.  He was a loving daddy to our precious baby girl, and he was a loving, and supportive husband.  However, D could sense that something was brewing inside of me, something that would ultimately "try" and almost destroy our family.

Nineteen short months after I earned my role of being Mama, D and I welcomed our next precious baby girl C.  She like her sister was sweet, gentle, and beautiful.  C wasn't as calm as M was, but it didn't matter as I was her Mama, and as I would soon learn, I had to relearn what my role of being Mama was.  It was when C was born that my patience would be tested as it had never been before, and where I would learn to really lean on D for his love and his support.

It has been 13 years since we welcomed our second precious baby girl, and we now have 3 more children, one beautiful nine year old daughter, and two handsome sons, ages 5, and 18 months.  I always laugh when I see the expressions on someone's face when they learn how many children D and I have.  I laugh, because I am still in awe that HE has called me to this life where being Mama, means Mama to many.  I laugh because in this season of motherhood there are so many times where I haven't a clue as to what I am doing.  Thankfully HE has blessed me with 5 amazing children who show me daily that though I may not get everything right all the time, I sure am doing some things right.

HIS Daily Teachings today is showing me that being Mama means that I am chasing after HIM daily to show me how to teach, love, and support my precious five.  Not only that, HE is showing me how to be loyal to my children, by continuing to show them HIS love, and for asking HIM to create in me a heart like HIS so that they will be able to see HIM through me, and in me every single day.

Yesterday the message at church was about what Being Mama means for me.  Actually our Pastor said Mother, but for some reason I don't really like being called Mother, as my children are fully aware, so they lovingly call me Mama.  To me that is the greatest name in the world, and though I couldn't put it into words, the message at church yesterday spoke volumes to my heart.

HE is wanting me to know that being Mama means that I am called to be protective to my children.  HE is showing me that this is the reason why I am a ferocious Mama Bear.  HE is wanting me to know that even though I didn't have anyone to protect me when I was growing up, by seeking HIM daily and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me, I am learning that it is not only just for my growing in HIM, but so that I will model that for my children, and so that I will be the protective Mama that they deserve.

HE is teaching that being Mama means that I am called to be supportive of my children.  Thankfully just because their Mama didn't have dreams and aspirations, HE is showing me that they do.  HE is showing me daily just how to be supportive to them, in helping them achieve their goals.  HE is telling me that I am doing this by talking to them daily about where HE is working in their lives, and what do they feel as if though HE is telling them to do.  Daily I am blessed that being Mama means that I get to witness HIS Daily Teachings through the lives of my children.

HE is telling me that being Mama means that I am called to be a teacher to my children.  HE is wanting me to know that since the very moment I became Mama, I have been teaching my amazing 5.  HE is showing me that without even realizing it, by modeling HIS love, HIS hope, HIS grace, HIS mercy, and most of all HIS forgiveness, I am passing those characteristics on to my children.  HE is teaching me that as HE teaches me daily, when I choose to live out HIS Daily Teachings, I in turn am being Mama to my 5 children, and they are seeing HIM through me.

HE is wanting me to know that in being Mama means that I must choose to support them in their dreams. HE is showing me that though they may not be doing what I "think" they should be doing, it doesn't mean that they are doing the wrong thing.  HE is wanting me to understand that HE has it all worked out for their good, and HE is asking me to trust HIM, and to BELIEVE HIM that just as my story has already been written, so has my children's.  

This morning HE is bringing me out of the wilderness of darkness, and showing me how far I have come from where I used to be.  HE is wanting me to know that through this current breakthrough HIS light is shining and it's not only shining for me, but for everyone whom I encounter to see.    HE is teaching me that through this breakthrough I am learning and understanding more than ever what being Mama means for my life.

As we were driving home yesterday I was comforted with the thought of, though I didn't have someone being Mama in my life, HE is creating in me a desire, to seek HIM to show me daily what being Mama is for me.  I am thankful to know that I have been awakened to my calling, which is HIS purpose for my life.  It has been this past week that I have begun to say, "the story has already been written, and I am blessed enough to live it."

This morning I am filled with gratitude that HE is renewing and refining me so that the very thought of being Mama warms my heart, and makes me want to be more like HIM as each day passes.  I am thankful that my children recognize that I am striving daily, and seeking HIM to create in me a heart like HIS.  I am thankful that they know that though I didn't grow up with a Mama, I sure am blessed to be theirs.

As I continue on this journey with HIM in being Mama, HE is leading me out of the wilderness of darkness that I have been in for so long.  HE is sustaining me,  helping me with every single step I am taking.  HE is telling me that when I fully surrender and rely on HIM, HE will supply my every need.  HE is telling me that in being Mama means that I am to honor HIM with my life.

In my journey with HIM, HE is showing me that being Mama means I will no longer be in the dark, and be unsure of how to be Mama, rather HIS light will shine in every single area where darkness looms.  It is through HIS Daily Teachings that HIS light is shining in me and through me, and where HE makes HIS presence known to me each and every single day.

HE is telling me that HE is turning my wilderness of darkness into a pool of HIS living water.  HE is wanting me to know that the thirst that I have for being Mama is being quenched by HIS loving HOLY SPIRIT, as HE continues to teach, lead, and guide me to being Mama to my amazing 5.  HE is wanting me to know that in seeking HIM to show me what being Mama means for me, I am being rescued from the lies that have held me captive of which have kept me from being Mama the way my children deserve.  HE is showing me that in being set free to live with HIS true freedom, means that I will be truly living as HE has always intended for me to live.

"He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs; there he brought the hungry to live,and they founded a city where they could settle. They sowed fields and planted vineyards that yielded a fruitful harvest; he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, and he did not let their herds diminish." 
Psalm 107:35-38

Today I am clinging to HIS words, that are showing me and reminding me of what being Mama means for me.  Today I am thankful that HE has captured my heart once again, and who is strengthening my faith in HIM, and creating in me a desire to know HIM more, and for there to be so much more of HIM in me.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity;she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.   Honor her for all that her hands have done,and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." Proverbs 31:25-31

I pray today that if you didn't have, or still don't have someone who is being Mama to you, that you will turn to HIM, as HE knows the desires of your heart.  I pray that you will seek HIM, and ask HIM to create in you a heart like HIS, so that you will be a protective, supportive, loyal, teacher of HIS word.  I pray that when you choose to live your life according to HIS will, that your life will be a living testament of HIS goodness, and HIS grace.  I pray today that you will know that where it all seems hopeless, HE is your hope!

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul" Hebrews 6:19


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