Sunday, May 4, 2014

lint trap

"Like the lint trap in a clothes dryer, when all of our unmet expectations gather in one place ( our hearts), eventually the machine malfunctions."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

Yesterday after lunch, D and I were sitting at our dining room table, D and I started talking about the days events.  He had been working all morning on cleaning and organizing his office, one of which the children has messed up, and I felt as if though they should have been the ones to clean it up.  More so, I without realizing it, I was still harboring anger towards my daughter from four days ago.  Sensing that I was still upset, D, gently, ever so carefully ventured to ask me, "what's wrong?"

I could feel the lump rising in my throat, and I swallowed hard.  I didn't want to say or do anything in that moment that I would regret, so I said, "nothings wrong that you can fix, please just let me deal with this on my own with GOD."  D, of course wouldn't take that for an answer, and ventured even further in seeking the truth of what was really bothering me.   It was then that I got up from the table, and quickly retreated to my room to talk it out with the only ONE WHO knows my heart, and knows why I'm upset even before I do.

HIS Daily Teachings today is letting me know that when I let the anger fester inside of me, it stores up in my heart, just like the lint trap in the dryer, and  like the dryer, if I don't empty it out, it will overload, and I just like the dryer begin to malfunction.  HE is wanting me to know that my malfunction is anger.  HE is telling me that it's okay to feel angry, upset, hurt, disappointed, and sad.  However, it's NOT okay to act out those feelings, as I am learning that being angry, isn't a sin, rather it's how I express my anger that is the sin.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33

HE is telling me that HE knows and understands my feelings of anger, and where they stem from.  However, HE is wanting me to know that by choosing to let go of my foolish thinking that everything that I "think" I deserve is "mine" for the taking.  In teaching me this HE is reminding me of different instances where I chose to be angry, and act out that anger.  Just like this past week when I cursed at my daughter because she "made" me angry.  HE is wanting me to know that she didn't "make" me angry, I chose to become angry, and I chose to express my anger in an unloving, unkind, and in the most NOT GOD honoring way.

"Anger is a natural reaction that arises when we don't get our way"  Annie Chapman

HE is wanting me to know and understand that the number one problem I have in my life is my uncontrolled anger that builds up inside of me.  HE is wanting me to know that today is the day that I start to clean out the lint trap of my heart, by allowing HIM to cleanse my heart of all the hurts that I have been carrying with me for so long.  This morning HE is showing me just how much anger I have built up inside of me, in my foolish thinking that everything would be okay if things were done "my way."  

HE is taking me back this morning to times where I have chosen to become so enraged over the silliest things.  For example when my children don't do something "my way," even after I have shown them the "right way" of doing things, (my way is the only way, and why haven't you learned that yet, what is wrong with you?  You never listen to me, I'm always telling you....)  Just typing that makes me cringe, as that is me, and even typing out those words I am getting a sense of how my children must feel when I speak to them like that, and tear them down by NOT acknowledging all of the things that they do right.  

HE is telling me that HE isn't revealing all of this to me to make me feel bad, but rather to show me that just like I have suffered in my life do to someone elses anger, my children too are suffering.  In not realizing just how angry I have been, I have been damaging my children's self worth, and as I know, and am continuing to learn that it's a whole lot harder change your behavior and ways of thinking when you are older.  HE is wanting me to remember that HIS Daily Teachings is all about me breaking the cycle, casting out the generational curses that have been placed over my family.

HE is wanting me to know that HE is angry when relationships are broken, and where there is injustice in this world.  HE is telling me that HE is angry when I am willfully disobedient.  HE is teaching me that in choosing to keep a lint trap of anger stored up in my heart, I am willfully being disobedient by NOT doing things HIS  way.    Therefore I must choose to let go of what I "feel" are my "rights," and start living in HIS truth of what I actually need.  

HE is showing me that while I may "feel" as if though I am entitled and that I have the "right" to be angry whenever I "feel" like it, I don't have the "right" to express my needs  and desires in the form of anger. HE is wanting me to let go of my foolish way of thinking that I "deserve" anything, and start seeking HIS will for my life.  HE will give me what I need, and I know this as HE has proven this to me time and again that HE can, will and does meet all of my needs in abundance.

HE is telling me that my most basic need that I should be seeking from HIM is to be a whole and healthy person.  I must stop trying to claim everything that I "think" is "mine."  HE is wanting me know that HE hears the cries of my heart to be loved and to feel valued and appreciated.  HE is telling me that I must seek those things from HIM, so that I will then be able to give those things to others, and when I do live according to HIS will, I will then be able to receive it from others.  I am learning that I can't expect other's to give to me, what I am not willing to give to them.  I must choose to be humble in knowing that it's not all about me, rather it's about doing HIS will, and living out HIS purpose for my life.

HE is wanting me to know that it's okay for me to want a peaceful life, one of which I "feel" is "mine" for the taking.  However, I am being called as CHRIST follower to stop seeking what is "mine," and choose to live out my life according to HIS will as a selfless, stuff-less, gentle soul.  In hearing this from HIM, I know that I am called to be a meek and humble servant.  HE is telling me that the only way I will be able to live that way is by cleaning out the emotional lint trap of anger that I have stored up in my heart.  

I am learning that when I keep my mind focused on what is "mine," it is really easy for me to get angry, to choose to stay angry, and to choose to express my anger, and in the end sinning. I must choose to go to HIM with my anger, admit it right away, don't store anything that wreaks havoc in my body, (stress, anger, sadness, guilt, shame) rather, repent, seek HIM, and ask for HIS forgiveness, and give it all up to HIM, cast all of my anger, burdens, anxieties upon HIM, as HE truly is the ONE WHO cares for me, knows me, and loves me best.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

HE is wanting me to know that unfulfilled expectations is a emotional lint trap of mine.  HE is telling me that I can't expect people to just know what it is that I am wanting, I need to communicate to them what I am wanting.  I can't expect people to just know how I feel, I must be able to tell them how I feel.  HE is calling me to be humble in my communication, and really thinking back on my anger for the past four days, I realize that I was being angry at my daughter for something that I too am guilty of doing more often than not, and it is because I have failed to clean out my heart's lint trap.  In knowing this I am thankful that I now have the tools that I need to move forward, and to let go of my harbored anger, and relieved to know that another lie has been revealed by HIS truth of WHO I am, and I know this because of WHOSE I am.

Today I am thankful that HIS light is shining on my heart's lint trap.  I am thankful that HE loves me enough to never let me stay trapped in my prison in the bondage of the lies that have been apart of my life for as long as I can remember.  I am thankful that it all starts with me, and that I, Heather, have been chosen to be the one who is leaving a legacy that is HIS message of HOPE, LOVE, GRACE, MERCY, DISCERNMENT, WISDOM, FORGIVENESS, and FAITHFULNESS.  I am thankful that for the past year I have been on this journey in seeking HIM, and HIS will for my life.  I am thankful that with each day passing when I seek HIM, HE is there, ready to teach, lead, and guide me through my journey towards wholeness with HIM.

I pray today that you will have the courage to let HIM show you how full your heart's lint trap is.  I pray that you will allow HIM to relieve you of the anger that you have kept harbored in your heart.  I pray that you will be able to live with HIS true freedom when the lies that have kept you in bondage are revealed.  I pray today that you will seek HIM and ask HIM to create in you a meek, and humble heart.  


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