Sunday, September 7, 2014
It never fails that every night at bed time the tears begin to flow from two of my children's eyes. My five year old son, and my nine year old daughter. It's hard for me as I was raised that when your parents tell you its bed time, there was NO crying, it was teeth brushed, Jammie's on, and lights out. This concept was easy for me to understand, as I knew that there would be major consequences if I chose to disobey and NOT do what I was told. This concept however has been lost on my own children, and last night was probably one of the toughest moments of lights out that we have ever gone through.
It pains me to write that instead of being a Mama full of compassion for my little loves, I was angry. NOT only was I angry, but I "felt" the "need" to let everyone in our home know that I was incredibly displeased with the tears, which where really based upon their fears of lights out.
It was well after 11 p.m. before my daughter finally settled in for the night on her sister's floor, and my son slept tightly nested up again his closet door, that way "the monster" couldn't get out of the closet, and the "shadows" of the night wouldn't scare him. What seemed ridiculous for me, I knew I needed to pray, and so when I laid down for the night, and the last thing I said to GOD was, "I am so thankful to know that YOUR mercies are new every morning. In the morning show me YOUR GLORY, and create in me a heart of compassion to help my children through their paralyzing fear of "lights out."
When I began to journal this morning, I spilled out my heart to HIM, and let HIM know that I could feel my foot slipping in my FAITH lately, and my angr rising, and festering within me. I asked HIM to help me overcome, and HIS response was, "Then you NEED to start thinking positive when it comes to "lights out."
HIS Daily Teachings today is getting right to the heart of the matter of why I lack in such compassion for my children and their what I have foolishly deemed as "ridiculous" fear of lights out. HE has let me know that I have forgotten that I too once had a HUGE fear of the night, NOT only the night, but the day time as well. HE reminded me that there was a time as recent as in my adult live where I didn't go outside ALONE ever. HE reminded me of the time in my life where everything was locked up like Fort Knox, and in doing so I taught that same "ridiculous" fear to my own children.
HIS loving reminder today is I too once struggled with lights out, and I didn't have anyone WHO was compassionate, and I suffered for quite some time, that is until I began to pray and seek HIM, and ask HIM to strike the fear of lights out, from my heart, and mind. HE is letting me know that just as I had to learn that HE is my light, I must teach the same thing to my children.
"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,
HE is telling me that instead of becoming frustrated, and allowing my anger to boiling up and spill out in nastiness of words, and actions, I must seek HIM, and HIS GLORY so that I will be able to help my children with their totally rational fears of lights out. HE is wanting me to know that it is my job to pray over them every night, and to teach them that HE is our LIGHT. HE is telling me that it is my job to soothe their little fearful hearts that HE is our protector, and that HE has every thing worked out for our own good.
This is something I struggle with so much in dealing with child-like behavior. Today HE is creating in me a heart of compassion for my children, and showing me what things look like with lights on when it comes to HIS perspective. HE is letting me know that it pains HIM that I didn't have that same compassion given unto me, however it should NEVER stop me from allowing HIM to BUILD HIS KINGDOM of compassion in my heart. HE is reminding me of my conversation with D last night. D looked at me and said, "Where is the Heather that is so full of compassion, where did she go?"
Today HE is letting me know that the thing that D admires most about me has been slipping from my life, and that is the ability to see and know people as HE sees them. To love as HE loves, and to extend HIS grace upon everyone WHOM I encounter. HE is telling me that HE hasn't created in me a heart of compassion for just broken people WHO I encounter outside my home, but more importantly so that I will be able to fulfill HIS calling for my life to be a Mama to my amazing five precious children who live in my home.
Today I am so incredibly thank for HIS amazing grace, and for HIM showing me the error of my ways. I am thankful to know that no matter what the circumstances may be in my life, all I have to do is seek HIM, and allow HIM to build HIS KINGDOM within me, so that I will be doing my part in bringing HIS KINGDOM of HEAVEN here to Earth. I am thankful to know that even when I mess up, which I do, royally at times, HE is always there ready to forgive me, all I have to do is repent. I am thankful that HE isn't letting me go any further than right now in this very moment in my thoughts other than to be positive in my thinking, and knowing and trusting HIM completely that just because I may NOT have the answers to my life's difficulties, HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE tells me that HE does have all the answers.
Today I am so incredibly thankful, and blessed to know that HE is SOVEREIGN, and that HE has forgiven me, and that HE is just waiting for me to let go of my negative "thinking" about my children, and start seeing them with HIS perspective of their total rational fear of lights out. Today I am thankful that HE has blessed me with five children to teach me the utmost importance of how to have child-like FAITH.
"So this is what the Sovereign says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic." Isaiah 28:16
"And he said: