Later in the after noon, my brother called me. All he asked was, "how are things going?" and it was with that, that I burst into tears once again. The weight of the darkness looming was more than I could bear. He began to speak to me in a way that I had failed to think about before and that was this, "what kind of parent do I want to be? What do I want for my family? The more I thought about those two questions, the more I knew that today's teaching was planned perfectly me, and I had been primed to hear HIS word.
It's of absolutely NO surprise to me that HIS Daily Teachings today was to show me that though I can't escape the darkness, I can control how I choose to endure the darkness. This morning HE has once again taken me "into the darkness," that is my world, and show me where HIS light is. Once again, HE has shown me that my "true treasure" is HIS JOY, and that it is only found when I walk "into the darkness."
The more I think about living as if though I am already in HEAVEN, the more overwhelmed I feel, as the darkness that I am enduring is suffocating me. HE is wanting me to know that even though there may be darkness in the night, HIS JOY is there in the morning, and it is mine for the taking! I must choose to claim HIS JOY! This morning I wrote in my journal "LORD JESUS, teach me to value what YOU value. Help me to see that eternal ALWAYS trumps temporary."
"because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death,to guide our feet into the path of peace.” Luke 1:78-79
This morning Kay Warren's writings of her own personal struggle with darkness really spoke to my heart, "Choosing to BELIEVE in the darkness-- in our personal lives and on a global scale-- opens the door to JOY!"
HE is wanting me to know that my life is NOT about how much suffering I have endured, rather how I have handled the suffering I have endured. HE is wanting me to know that it's not about "one upping" someone else to say that my suffering was far worse than theirs. I BELIEVE that HE placed that on my heart very early in my journey with HIM, as I have always said, "No matter how much I "think" I have suffered, I know that there is someone else out there that has endured far worse!" That mindset, has saved me from a world of hurt, pain, and sorrow. I am thankful that I truly understand and have chosen to live out that very statement in my life.
HE is wanting me to know and understand that the darkness that is in my life isn't always just about Satan attacking me, rather it is about HIS plan to refine and renew me, to build me stronger, to lead me further in my trust and belief in HIM. HE is wanting me to know that the only things I need to remember are HIS vision, HIS grace, HIS mercy, HIS forgiveness, and HIS love. HE is wanting me to know that once I start living my life with HIS vision, NOTHING else will matter, even the very thought of darkness looming over me will not shake me, and I will be able to say, "even though I may be walking "into the darkness," I will NOT be moved!"
Just thinking about a song by Natalie Grant "I Will NOT Be Moved" brings tears to my eyes. As I read over the lyrics once again, tears of JOY flooded my eyes! "I will stumble, I will fall down, But I will not be moved. I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, But I will not be moved. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. I will not be moved"
HE is wanting me to know that is exactly how HE wants me to live my life! With unwavering faith, with strong conviction of WHOSE I am, and with courage to seek HIM daily, making the choice to seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.
Though I have heard this next song, and sang it so many times, never before did I truly understand the power in the message of this song. "We Won't Be Shaken" by Building 429 really spoke to me this morning, and it too flooded my eyes with tears, as I knew that it was another loving reminder from my HEAVENLY FATHER that HE is there, and with HIM I can endure anything!
"Whatever will come our way. Through fire or pouring rain. We won't be shaken. No we won't be shaken. Whatever tomorrow brings. Together we'll rise and sing. That we won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken."