Friday, October 25, 2013

"GOD smacked"

"I was discouraged.  In two month's time my life went from being wonderfully fulfilling and clicking right along to completely topsy-turvy.  I felt myself getting caught in a whirlwind of emotions."

No truer words have ever been spoken about my life right now.  However, I didn't write these, no I read them in Lysa Terkeurst's book.  As I read those words, for the 5th time, I was thankful that someone was able to articulate exactly how I felt.  

In two month's time I went from serving in a church that I loved, one that I called "home."  A church that was filled with my "family," where I was a part of "having a heart for the house."  I enjoyed the women's ministry called "Sisterhood," and was so rooted in my faith was so happy.  

My children were also very involved in our church, and they too were rooted in their faith, and felt very strong in their convictions.  We loved our Pastor and his family, and had close connections with several families at our church.  Life as we knew it was great!

However........... there was a dark side to our happiness.... one that would threaten to demolish our happiness at a moment's notice.   That darkness was in the form of D's job.  D had been working for the same company for the past 8 years, and in that time his job became increasingly more and more demanding.  

Four years ago when our son was turning one,  D made the announcement that he was going to be needing to spend more time at the office.  Little did I or our other children know that this meant he would leave for the office around 2:30 a.m. and wouldn't be home until 11 p.m.  His job grew more and more demanding, and I began slipping further and further into a deep pit of depression.  This went on for four years, until finally I had endured what I thought was all I could possibly take, and I began to voice my opinion. 

Now I know what your thinking, this couldn't have gone well.  Well you would be right in thinking that, in fact it went so wrong that every time I was needing some help with our 5 children he would roll his eyes as if I was asking the world of him.  Our communication was in the gutter, as was our marriage.  As each day passed I felt us moving further and further away from each other.  Things were happening in our marriage that we had never dealt with before, and I was losing it.  

I was losing it with D, my children, and myself.  I was falling apart at the seams, and all I seemed to be able to do was cry.  For months I prayed, "Lord!  Change him!!!"  Over and over, month after month I "prayed" that GOD would give D the biggest GOD smack, and wake him up!  I continued with this insanity for probably six months or so, and finally I decided I couldn't do it anymore.  I began to think about leaving D.  I imagined how I would tell him, and our children.  I imagined how it would work out, me being a truly single mother, and raising 5 kids on my own.  

I was hell bent that NONE of this was my fault, and all his fault.  However, thankfully as you know how my life goes by now, GOD intervened, and captured my heart.  HE began to challenge me to pray for D in a way that I had never prayed for him before. My prayers went from, "Lord!  Change him!!!," to "Lord! Change me!!!"  

Slowly as each morning passed GOD revealed more and more to me about my faith or lack there of , my selfishness, my pride (oh this was a tough one for me) my unforgiveness I harbored in my heart, my anger (I was soooo angry), and most of all my resentment towards D. 

Faithfully I remained in HIS word for days upon days, seeking HIM each morning, and laying it all out that without HIM I couldn't do anything.  I began to pray even more passionately for the three requests I made in January.  However, behind my prayer was a selfish agenda, and that was that all three prayer requests would be answered in "my way." 

I shudder to think of the blessings that we would have missed out on had we done things "my way."  I am thankful that I received what was probably one of the biggest "GOD smacks" of my entire life.  Almost immediately when I surrendered everything to HIM, HE began to move me through the storm of darkness that was threatening my marriage, my family, and our livelihood.  

Now here we are in our new life, new home, new job, new town, new schools, totally new surroundings.  Here I am, being completely ungrateful, and still looking back over my shoulder, and crying about everything that our family is missing out on in our previous life.  I believe today that HIS Daily Teaching was to remind me that though everything seemed wonderful for the children and I in our previous life, when I began to uncover the hidden truths, HIS truth about the reality of our lives then,  I would never want to go through that storm again, not ever!  

Today I am thankful that in the midst of my tears, and loneliness, GOD has once again wrapped me up in HIS loving arms, and revealed HIS truth to me.  Today I am thankful for the friendships that HE has brought into our lives where we are right now.  Today I am thankful that my marriage to D is stronger than ever, and that I am a much better wife, and mama having gone through the storm and was "GOD smacked" into surrender, that ultimately saved our family, our life together. 

I pray today that if you too are struggling, and are in need of change, that you will turn to HIM, and allow yourself to be "GOD smacked."  Though it may hurt your pride a little, I pray that you will see what a blessing it is to surrender completely to HIM, and allow HIS plans, and HIS purpose be the center of your life.  I pray today that  you will have the courage to say NO to yourself, and YES to HIM!


No comments:

Post a Comment