Tuesday, October 29, 2013

prayers full of tears....

Today my prayers are full of tears.  My heart is so heavy and full of fear, anxiety, discontent, worry, strife, anger, so many emotions wrapped up inside.  The more I seek HIM the more I feel as if though my faith is slipping with each obstacle that comes in my way of walking the path that HE has chosen for me. 

My heart is incredibly heavy for my children today, as they are all very much struggling with adjusting to their new schools.  It has been very hard on them to leave the only real place they ever called home.  It was incredibly hard for them to leave their mentors, and a church that they loved.   In the past month I have witnessed each of my children break down, including my four year old son.

This past weekend we were in our previous town, and when he realized that we weren't going "home" to the place he called home for most of the life that he could remember, he broke into tears.  He cried even harder when he realized that we would not be going to his "friends house" (church).  This broke my heart, and I didn't even know how to console him. 

My heart is heavy, in wanting to do what is good and right.  My prayers are seeking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to making the right decisions when it comes to helping my children navigate through this change.  My prayers of tears are for HIM to hold me when I feel as if though I can no longer stand.  My prayers are for HIM to restore and renew my health, as I have been battling sickness since we moved.  

Today is a day of prayer for me, with tears streaming down my face, I am seeking HIM.  I am praying that HIS truth, HIS love, HIS forgiveness, and most importantly HIS grace will be poured over me.   I pray that HE will annoint me with HIS words, and lead me to speak in love, and to act in love.

HIS Daily Teachings today is leading me right into Psalm 143.  HE is asking me to break this down, and tell how it applies to my life.

"O Lord ,hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy" ~ as I sit and type tears streaming down my face, I am crying out to GOD, as HE is the only who can help me in this time.  I am finding comfort in the song "Draw Me Close to YOU"

"in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief" ~ Oh how I am needing relief from this feeling of brokenness, and weariness.  I am seeking HIM to take away my feelings of fear and anxiety.  I am laying it all down.

"Do not bring your servant into judgement, for no one living is righteous before you"  ~ I am thankful to know that HE is not judging me, but rather loving me enough to take me through this tough storm of confession that I have not been laying my burdens down.

"The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground;  he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. ~ lately I have felt the more I try and draw closer to GOD, the more intently Satan pursue's me.  I have lost my footing several times during this transition in this journey of change.   My days have been darker than I want, I know that not every day is going to be sunshine and roses, however, I never expected to be crushed by this darkness.  HE has reminded me of another song that I hold close to my heart during my times of darkness "I Will Be Here for You" by Michael W. Smith.

"So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed" ~ oh how I long not to have my spirit be downcast, but rather full of life, HIS love, HIS truth, HIS grace.  I am comforted today in knowing that during this storm HE is with me, and I am in good company, as many people have walked this same journey of darkness that I am currently in.

"I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done" ~ HE is reminding me this morning of all that HE has done for me.  Looking back on my life, I can see HIS hand on my life, and through some of my darkest storms.  Though this is a different storm, HE is promising me that HE is right here with me.  I am comforted to know that HIS HOLY SPIRIT is living in me, and HE is the air that I breathe. 

"I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land" ~ as each day passes in my journey towards wholeness, I am finding myself so thirsty for HIS word, and HIS truth.  HE is letting me know that my thirst will never be quenched unless I surrender and seek HIM daily to teach, lead, and guide me every single moment of my life.

"Answer me quickly, O' Lord; my spirit fails."  ~ LORD JESUS create in me a patient heart, one that will wait for YOUR promptings and YOUR teachings.  LORD help me to not be so discouraged when times become tough.  Help me to remain strong in my faith, and not waiver when the waves crash upon me.  

"Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit." ~ HE is letting me know that it is not HE who is hiding their face, but rather it is me.  HE is letting me know that though I may "try" to hide from HIM, I am never able to achieve being hidden.  HE is wanting me to know that when I seek HIM daily, and surrender, HE will not let me fall into the pit of despair.  HE will help me, all I have to do is ask.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love" ~ HE is letting me know that HIS mercies are new every morning, and with HIS mercies, comes HIS  unfailing love.  HE is telling me that nothing I could ever do would ever make HIM love me any less.

"for I have put my trust in you" ~ I know that because I have placed all my trust in HIM, and given all of me to HIM, HE will help me.  HE is reminding me once again that HE loves me, and HE seeks all of my trust.  HE wants me to put HIM above all else, and not ever waiver from that decision.

"Show me the way  I should go, for to you  I lift up my soul" ~ I am learning that the only path I can travel with certainty is the path that HE has created for me.  I know that when I choose to align my thoughts and actions with HIS, HE is there, always helping me along the way.  I am learning that when I can no longer walk, HE will carry me.  HE has lovingly reminded me this morning that through everything I go through, I am never alone.

"Rescue me from my enemies, O' Lord, for I hide myself in you"  ~ HE is wanting me to know that HE is my refuge, HE is my safe haven, the place where I know I can go, and nothing will be able to harm me.  HE is letting me know that nothing that I ever go through in this life, will I ever be truly alone.  HE is wanting me to meditate on that very thought, so that my life will be a living testament for my children, so that when they too are going through the tough storms of life, they will know that they are never alone.

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God;" ~ HE is reminding me once again that I must seek HIM daily to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life.  I am learning that on the days where I don't seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach me, I fall, and fall hard.  I am learning that when I don't put HIM first my day never goes right.

"may your good Spirit lead me on level ground" ~ HE is wanting me to know that when I choose to be HOLY SPIRIT lead, no matter how rough the path may be, it will be as though I am walking a smoothe surface.

"For your name's sake, O' Lord, preserve my life;"  I am learning that in choosing to live my faith out loud, I am covered my HIS blood.  I know that by speaking HIS word, and HIS truth that nothing could ever come against me.  I am learning that this does not mean that I will never experience heart ache, but rather I will be comforted, and filled by HIS peace as HE will never forsake me.  I am truly comforted by that very thought this morning.

"in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble." ~ HE is letting me know that because HIS love is perfect, HE will heal my heart, and make it clean, HE will open up my eyes, and show me how to love like HIM.  HE is wanting me to see how great HIS love is for me, that no matter what I do, HE will always rescue me.  

"In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes" ~ HE is telling me that HIS love in unfailing, and HE will not let anything harm me.  HE is wanting me to know that when I speak HIS truth, and share HIS love, and grace, and give mercy to others, HE will protect me.  I know that in choosing HIM I am covered by HIS sacrifice for my life.  

"For I am your servant" ~ I am being reminded once again that this is all for HIS glory and not mine.  I am to pick up my cross daily, and let HIM lead me.  I must die unto myself, and seek HIS face daily.  I am comforted as nothing is this life has ever brought me more joy than being HIS servant.

This morning I am comforted by HIS loving reminder that my life is about HIS will, and not my own.  I am being filled by HIS peace, that HIS plans and purpose for my life, are far greater than anything I could ever imagine.  I know that HE is wanting me to teach my children the very same about their lives.  HE is wanting me to let them know that HE is with them, and is asking me to lift them in prayer daily, and teach them to pray to HIM, and ask HIM daily to teach, lead, and guide them through every single moment of their day.

I pray today that you will know HE hears every single one your prayers of tears.  I pray that you will be comforted by HIS unfailing love, and that you will receive HIS loving touch.  I pray today that you will have the courage to lay it all at the foot of the cross, and die unto yourself.  I pray that if you have never accepted JESUS CHRIST as your SAVIOR, today will be the day that you will know that HE is waiting for you.  HE is waiting with arms wide open, full of HIS unending love and grace, and is waiting for to know that it is with HIM that your new life will begin.


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