I have learned throughout this 10 year journey of walking with CHRIST, that nothing is by chance. It's not by fate, rather it is by HIS plan & HIS purpose. It has been HIS vision that has lead me to being who I am today.
As a Mama to 5 amazing blessings my prayers should consist of them forming their own personal relationships with JESUS. However, sadly that has not been my prayer, as I have been too focused on me, and have lost sight of who I am to them. To know this about me, grieves me that I have fallen so short of what HE has called me to do with my own children, HIS children. Thankfully HE loves me enough to open my eyes, and reveal HIS vision to me about who I am called to be for HIS children.
HE is asking me to pray for them that they will not only form their own personal relationships with Jesus, but also that they will realize that they too "need " HIM every single moment of their lives. I must pray for them that they too will go boldly against what the world is saying to them, and pick up their own cross and follow HIM, even though that isn't what the world says to do. I must pray that they too will hear HIS "whispers," and heed HIS callings for their lives.
Today HE has revealed to me that since I have become a Mama I have always felt the "need" to control every aspect of my children's lives. Now while this may have worked when they were little, now that two of them are teenagers, I can tell you this does not. HE is letting me know that GONE are the days where I can control, and fix all of their problems. GONE are the days where I can kiss their boo boos and make everything all better with ice cream. GONE are the days where a hug, and a smile will make all the world's problems just go away. Life as I know it, and they know it, is real, tough, and sometimes just plain hard.
HE is letting me know that though my greatest desire is to "fix" what is broken in their lives, it is not for me to fix. I am learning that when they are being challenged, it is not up to me to fight their battle for them. Therefore, I must encourage them to fight their own battles, by seeking HIM and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide them through their own life's problems.
HIS Daily Teachings today is letting me know that though I may be able to encourage my children to walk daily with JESUS, I can't do the walk for them. I must never try and talk them out of the calling that HE has placed on their lives. I am learning that this means, I must let go of my incessant "need" of trying to change them into being who I "think" they should be, rather than who HE has made them to be. I must never push my agenda and telling them they have to seek HIM, rather I must encourage them to seek HIM, and I must live my life as a testament of what living for the LORD is like, so that they too will want the same for their lives.
I can only pray that they too will have their hearts filled with the desire to die unto themselves, and pick up their crosses and follow HIM. I can only pray that they will let go of their own "need" to please this world, and follow HIM no matter what the world says to do. I am learning that it is not about them simply knowing of JESUS, but rather it is about them knowing JESUS.
HE is letting me know that in my saying "YES" to GOD, I am modeling what it is to be a true CHRIST follower to them. I am learning that whether I like it or not, they are learning how to deal & cope with their own storms of life, based on how I deal and cope with my own.
Therefore, I must be GOD honoring, in my speech and actions. I must show them HIS mercy, and HIS grace. I must let go of my incessant "need" to be right all of the time. HE has reminded me that some of my most painful moment's of my childhood were where the adults in my life, were always right, and to them I was just some stupid little kid. I never want my children to believe that, this is the way I feel about them. I want them to know that their opinions matter, and that I respect them. I want them to know that it is o.k. that we won't always see eye to eye. I want them to know that no matter what they may do in life, I will never turn my back on them, and I will never stop loving them.
HE is asking me once again today to let go....... and let GOD. He is letting me know that my children, HIS children need me to pray for them in a way that I have never prayed for them before. HE is telling me that I must pray for my precious children to become HIS disciple's. I am learning that I must pray that they will be filled with courage and conviction to be world changers. I must pray that they will be able to go beyond what the world says to do. I must pray that they too will have the courage to say "YES" to HIM when the world is pointing to ALL things "NO."
GOD is asking me to have a radically obedient heart, even when what HE is asking me to do doesn't make any sense. He is wanting me to know that it is not about me knowing it all, but rather trusting that HE has everything worked out for HIS good according to HIS plans. HE is telling me that it is about HIS vision, and not my own.
I wrote this prayer out in my journal today during HIS teaching, "LORD JESUS, create in me a heart that says "YES" because YOU have said so. I promise to obey YOU, no matter how I or the world may feel about it. LORD create in me a heart like Simon Peter, one that obeys you, even when I am tired, and feeling weary. LORD create in me a radically obedient heart that goes beyond what I feel I should have to do. Fill my heart with desire to do all the things that YOU call me to do. I need YOU LORD JESUS, to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of this day, I love YOU ~ Amen."
"When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” Luke 5:4-5
GOD is wanting me to know that I must not be lazy in my walk with HIM, but rather live my life with radical obedience. So many times, I know HE has called me to do something, and I allow the excuses of my life to get in the way. Some times, I am not busy, but rather, I just want to do what I want to do, and am tired of doing things for other people. Some times I am just plain tired, and therefore I am lazy. However, if I am not careful I take on that lazy attitude, and maintain it, and that rubs off onto my children. I don't want to be raising 5 procrastinators, I want to be raising 5 radically obedient disciples of CHRIST JESUS.
Today's teaching was tough for me, as it made me examine how I truly am, and see where I have fallen short in bringing GLORY and HONOR to HIS name. HE has revealed to me that the more I put emphasis in doing what the world tells me to do, the more of HIS blessings I am missing out on. It is because that I now know this, I do not want the same thing to happen to my children. I don't want them missing out on HIS great blessings for their lives, just because their lazy Mama didn't model obedience very well. Therefore, I must model a radically obedient heart for the LORD, so that my children will know how to truly live for GOD.
GOD has taught me this morning this HIS meeting of Simon Peter, that when I radically obey, HIS blessings in return will be overflowing and overwhelming in my life. Therefore, I must pray for my children to have the desire for HIM to create radically obedient hearts in them.
HE is reminding me today that my radical obedience has lead to HIS calling, and show HIS vision for my life. I have learned that I must never question even what I see as mundane things that HE has called me to do. As, I may never know how life changing it could be for me. I have learned that being in HIS word daily is a must for my life. I wish that is the way it has always been, but sadly it is not. I went many years "claiming" to have a relationship with JESUS, without even seeking HIM. I don't want my own children to live their lives that way, therefore I must show them what a daily walk with HIM is like.
I can only imagine where I would be right now had I not surrendered and began to live out HIS calling for my life. I can only imagine what kind of wife and mama I would be. I can only imagine what kind of friend I would be. I know that none of my life has been by chance, or by fate. I know that it has not been my vision, but rather HIS vision that has brought me to where I am in my life today.
In the last part of HIS teaching today HE has once again reminded me of my "pride." HE is letting me know that in choosing to be radically obedient, there is no longer any room for my pride. HE has reminded me that under no circumstances will HE ever allow me to live with pride, as HE hates a prideful attitude.
" But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." James 4:6
"Many times the little steps leading to the bigger steps in our calling will be tests that help whittle the pride out of our heart." Lysa Terkeurst