Friday, June 28, 2013

let go.... let GOD

"Your past can be an unbearably heavy load when you try to carry it into your present."  When I read that I thought about just how far I have come from my past.  I can't imagine trying to live my life now as a Mama of five lugging around all the "junk" from my past.  Thankfully for me when I was twenty-six GOD set me free from my past, and allowed me to heal and start to live. In my journey of letting go, and letting GOD HE has humbled me many times over.  I have had to put on the mindset that I am teachable.  That I will allow GOD to change my heart.  GOD knew then and knows now, always what was, is, and always will be best for me!  HE knew that I had a forgiving heart.  HE knew I was strong enough to "endure" what I went through, and HE also knew that I would be strong enough to let go.  In letting go, my past was no longer on my mind, and was out of my conversations.  GOD promised me that if I forgave the people who hurt me then HE would take away my pain of my past. 

However, just when I think I have gotten through all the "junk" of my past, GOD quickly reveals there is some more refining to do.  HE allows me to be challenged specifically in area's where I struggle the most.  That for me is choosing my battles, pleasing people, and having childlike fun.  I have many battles throughout my day, and I am learning that I need to ask myself " will this really matter in five years?"  If the answer is no, then it's time for me to let go.... and let GOD.  GOD wants me to be free of all the areas in my life that I am in bondage with.  When I stay in bondage with my past, I miss out on my present, and there is NO room for it in my future. 

"If you struggle with guilt, condemnation, shame, blame, or regret about your past, GOD will forgive you and set you free if you simply ask HIM." 

I have no regrets about my past, as it has made me the person I am today.  Without the storms of my past, I would never understand the true power of forgiveness.  GOD has asked me many times in my life to forgive people who have hurt me.  In the fall of 2008 D and I were a part of a small group in a church.  We were going through some of the biggest storms in our married life, a life as a family of then five soon to be six.  We were so overwhelmed and were barely staying a float.  Our small group let us know one evening that we were "too much to handle."  That we needed something they weren't equipped to give or to do.   We were crushed, and so hurt by their harsh words, and unkind actions.  It was so difficult for us to attend church after that night, we ending up leaving the church all together.  We eventually came back to the church, but things were so different.  I held a deep grudge in my heart as they were like family to us.  How could anyone be so cruel?  Slowly members of the group came forward and apologized to D and I.  I then had to make the choice of keeping the grudge or forgiving.  One of the greatest friendships I will ever be blessed with was born from this storm.  I know that I can call my friend and she will listen to me, and encourage me, and keep me accountable to staying the path GOD has chosen for me.  Through the power of forgiveness I was able to let go.......and let GOD! 

Throughout my life I have had many different relationships with people.  I am learning that some of them are just for a season of my life and not for the duration of my life.  This is hard for me, because I generally like people, and want to be friends with most everyone.  I strive to be a good friend, encourager, and listener.  I strive to be "perfect" when really GOD wants me to reveal my flaws.  This blog is me revealing my flaws.  This is what GOD is doing in my life right now to keep me humble and living in my present and enjoying every moment.  GOD is letting me know that it is impossible to please everyone.  I can however be honoring to HIM and bring glory to HIS name in everything I do.  I must obey HIM and choose to let go... and let GOD.

Childlike fun is such a foreign concept to me.  D is so childlike in many ways, and so our children flock to him, and he is the "fun one."  I am not naturally a "park mom," but I force myself to be.  I am not a "cheerleader" but I try to be one for my children.  I am not always like a  "proverbs 31 woman" but I strive to be as GOD has blessed me with this amazing growing family of now seven.  Today I will "play" with my children, and be silly, and have fun.  I will greet D at the door and welcome him home.  Most of all I will laugh, as it is truly the best medicine. I will laugh because I have let go.... and let GOD.

I pray today that if you are holding onto something from your past, GOD wants you to know that there is NO room for it in your future.  That HE will take it from you all you have to do is ask.  "Lay your sorrows at JESUS feet and HE will take them from you."  I pray today that you will do just that!  That you will let go... and let GOD.


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