Saturday, December 28, 2013


For the past week I have felt myself slipping further and further away from my faith in HIM.  I have allowed things to happen in my life, some of which were colossal mistakes, but NONE of which weren't redeemable. However, it has taken me five days to see the error of my ways.  In this past five days, I have a made a HUGE mess in my life, and this morning, once again, here I am back on my knees again.   At just the right moment this morning, HE has revealed to me through a song by Hillsong United "Like an Avalanche" just exactly the way I am feeling.  "And I find myself here on my knees again Caught up in grace like an avalanche Nothing compares to this love love love Burning in my heart" 

As I began to sing the lyrics to the song, I felt HIM say to me, "Heather, where is your faith?"  "Why don't you trust ME?"  "Why are you so afraid?" 

If I am being completely honest, I have no idea why my faith has been slipping, and I don't truly understand why my faith and trust in HIM is failing.  I don't know why I have once again allowed myself to be fearfully and emotionally lead, rather than just trusting HIM that HE is WHO HE says HE is, and HE will do what HE says HE will do.  Once again, I have allowed my faith in HIM to be capsized by Satan and his demons, and once again I have allowed a HUGE barrier to come between myself and the only ONE who truly does care for me, and know and love me the best.  Once again, I have "tried" to steer the ship, only to have it be capsized, and so now this morning here I am being rescued from the storm, but not without eating a HUGE slice of humble pie.

HIS Daily teachings today is to show me that with HIM, NO storm can over power me.  With HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me, with me actively seeking HIM, when I remain strongly rooted in my faith, it is then that I will not allow my faith to be capsized.

However, since I am human and I make colossal mistakes, daily....... I tend to only lean on HIM when I "think" I should.  In my humanness I forget WHO HE is and I tend to "think" that it is I that "needs" to figure things out, when really all I need to be doing is trust HIM!  In my humanness I forget that sometimes HE is waiting for me to sit down and shut up, and STOP "trying" to fix the things that are broken in my life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

Once again HE is lovingly reminding me that it is through the storms in my life, that HE can, will, and does strengthen and renew my faith in HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that rather than have a "based on the moment" faith, I must trust HIM completely that HIS will is what is best for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that rather than me just falling down in defeat, and forgetting that HE is indeed LORD of my life, I must boldly declare that HE is LORD of my life, and with HIM I will overcome the storms of my life.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

So in all of my 35 years of life, I have yet to meet someone who is so happy that they are suffering, that they are truly thankful in the moment that they are suffering.  I know this is because, it is what keeps me dependent on HIM.  That in my quest for being truly thankful for "growing,strengthening, and renewing is tiring, and just plain hard.  Growing for me is very painful, and often times it takes me double the time that it should, because I tend to avoid pain like the plague.

HE is wanting me to know that instead of dreading HIM growing me, and having my little pity party for one, and allowing my faith to be capsized, I must say to my little problems how BIG my GOD is, not say to GOD how big my problems are.  
This morning HE is revealing to me that once again because I "think" I know what I am doing, I go off the the adventure by myself, saying, "its okay GOD I've got this."   I am pretty sure that is when HE shakes HIS head at me, and says something like, "You foolish woman, WHY oh WHY oh WHY oh WHY don't you trust ME?  Haven't I proven above and beyond that I know what is best for you?  WHY oh WHY do you insist on doing things "your way," and in turn keep you from ME, and my daily teachings for your life.

Okay, pausing for a moment, as that very thought brings tears to my eyes, as I haven't heard from HIM in the past week, and I have been crying, and whining about it non-stop.  In the words of  Dr. Phil, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."  Today I am learning that until I let go....... and let HIM take over, I will continue to allow my faith to be capsized, and in return my growing process will be even harder.

HE is wanting me to know that I must stay strongly rooted, and planted firmly in my faith.  I must trust HIM with everything.  I must seek HIM daily, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my journey towards wholeness.

HE is wanting me to know that when I truly trust in HIM, completely, HE can, will, and does calm the storms in my life every single time.   I must meditate on HIS words, and write them on my heart.  I must speak HIS truth about my life, and for my life.  Not only that I must speak HIS truth, I must believe it.  I must choose to live my faith out loud.  I must stop allowing my faith to be capsized, and keep my focus on HIM and WHO HE is, and what HE has done, is doing, and will continue to do in my life.

Today HE is teaching me about my faith through HIS words, just as it has been written.  Today I take great comfort that I am not alone in my foolishness, and my humanness, in allowing myself to be capsized in my faith, and falling hard on my face.

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.”  Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him.  A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”  They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” Mark 4:35-41

I pray today that if you are feeling as if though your faith has been capsized, that you will turn to the ONE who knows and loves you best.  I pray that you will surrender all of yourself to HIM, and allow HIM to strengthen and renew your faith in HIM.  I pray for HIS favor and blessings to be poured over your life through your obedience to HIM.  I pray that you will have the courage to stand strong and boldly declare that HE truly is LORD of your life.


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