Saturday, December 7, 2013


A year ago I was HUGE mess.  In my prayer life, in my marriage, in my motherhood, in my friendships, I was a HUGE mess.  As each day passed, I found myself asking HIM, "Why GOD, why is life so hard?"  Over and over I heard from HIM, "Why don't you trust ME?"  "Why don't you believe ME?"  Over and over I would hear this, and each time I did I fell deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.

It wasn't until I realized that until I decided to become intentional in my walk with HIM, meaning seeking HIM daily, and allowing HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my journey, things weren't going to get any better.

In January of this past year, I began to pray as I never had before, and sadly it wasn't until I reached my breaking point which was on May 24, 2013 that I found myself standing in the book section at Wal-Mart, on date night with D.  This was unusual for me, as I hardly ever browsed or bought books at Wal-Mart.  However, a certain book caught my eye, and I felt HIM "whisper" "pick it up."  The book was titled "Women's Daily Declarations  for Spiritual Warfare"  Biblical principles to beat the Devil by John Eckhardt.  I quickly opened the book to the next day's reading, May 25, and this was the heading that I read: "You will experience a breakthrough"  as I read those words, tears began to fall, and I became so overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn't hardly see.  I must have stood in that aisle for at least fifteen minutes crying as I read what HE was telling me on that day.  

"My daughter I have anointed you for breakthrough.  I am the LORD, Your breaker, and I will go before you.  I have reconciled you to MYSELF through MY SON and have given you the ministry of reconciliation.  Your light will break forth like the morning, and your healing  shall spring forth speedily.  You will worship ME and sing praises to MY name.  The end of all things is at hand; therefore break through in your prayers and be ever serious and watchful for me."

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" Isaiah 61:1

"The One who breaks open the way will go up before them;  they will break through the gate and go out. Their King will pass through before them, the Lord at their head.” Micah 2:13

"We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart." 2 Corinthians 5:12

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn,and your healing will quickly appear;then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." Isaiah 58:8

"The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray." 
1 Peter 4:7

When the tears finally stopped, I looked at D and told him, "I don't usually ask this, but can I please buy this book?"  He asked me how much it was, and I told him.  I could tell he was uncomfortable paying that much for such a little book, however now we know that it has been the best purchase ever, as it has been a life renewing book!  

I couldn't wait till the very next day to start my reading of this book, and after I read through the first days, I said  aloud this prayer: 

        "LORD, through YOU I will experience breakthrough in every area of my life.  Let me break through in my finances and all my relationships.  Give me a breakthrough in my health with healing. Let me break through to new levels in my praise and worship to YOU.  I will experience a deeper prayer life and will ever be watchful for YOU to act in my life."

When I finished reading and proclaiming that prayer, tears fell like waterfalls.  I cried what has been one of the most cleansing tears in my entire life.  It was in that moment that I realized that a breakthrough in the HUGE mess of my life was possible.

HE is letting me know today that the breakthrough that I have received, and have been living through has only been possible because I have been intentional.  HE is teaching me that the more time I spend thinking about what HE says, the more I seek HIM, and the more I dive deep into HIS word, the more I will be filled by the power of HIS HOLY SPIRIT.  I am learning that because I have surrendered, and chosen to pick up my cross and follow HIM, that I have received such a tremendous breakthrough.

Now this is not to say, that I am totally free, which I am most certainly not, it just means that when my life gets hard, and the storms are brewing and the oceans are rising, HE is there, HE is helping me, and because I have been intentional and have chosen to BELIEVE that HE is there, I know that I can get through anything that life throws at me.

I am learning that only because I have been intentional in choosing to seek HIM first in my life, and to dive daily deep into HIS word, that I am able to write this blog.  HE is letting me know that the more I seek HIM, and HIS Daily Teachings for my life, the stronger, and the more peaceful I will become.

In the past seven months my faith in HIM has grown by leaps and bounds, and today HE has revealed it to me that it is only because I have chosen to be intentional in my walk with HIM.  Today He has reminded me that until I began seeking HIM daily, HE really was just my "spare tire."

It pains me to think that the only time I relied on HIM in my past, is when things were hard.  Then in my selfish human ways, I would push HIM away, and say, "Hey GOD thanks for all the help, but things are great now, I got this GOD."  Foolishly I would say, "You go help someone who really needs it."  Ha!  As if I, Heather, a  hott mess, could possibly have better thoughts and plans than HIM?  I laugh now, as I have been given plenty of slices of humble pie.  However, when HE first started dishing out the humble pie, I choked pretty hard on it.  I was embarrassed, and honestly I was much too prideful to see that "my ways" were very foolish.

Over and over I was like a "broken record."  I would do things "my way" I would make a HUGE mess, "wreck the car," and only in the aftermath of my self-destruction would I call on HIM.  HE has revealed to me today that I used to only call on HIM when I "needed" HIS help, but when it came to devoting my precious, self seeking, self-serving, time to HIM, I was always able to come up with a million hundred reasons why I couldn't spare any of my "precious" time.

Throughout the past seven months of seeking HIM daily, I have learned that HE truly is a jealous GOD.  I have learned that even when I "think" "Surely YOU, GOD must be sick of me and my foolishness by now?"  Today I think HE might have even laughed at my thought of that, and said, "I will NEVER grow tired of you, or tired of teaching you!"  "Nothing you could EVER do or say would make ME, YOUR loving heavenly FATHER WHO adores you, love you any less than I already do!"  Today that no matter what I do to HIM, I will never exasperate HIM, or make HIM grow tired of me.  nothing......

HE is wanting me to know that HE NEVER grows tired of me!  HE loves it when I am intentional, when I admit that I need HIM every single moment of my life.  Therefore, I must be intentional in seeking HIM daily, and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey with HIM.  I must seek HIS advice, and HIS counsel, and I must align my thoughts to HIS thoughts, so that my purpose, will be HIS purpose, and I will follow HIS path for my life.

HE is teaching me that I can't expect to have a deep and meaningful relationship with anyone, until I am willing to be intentional and willing to go the distance.  I am learning that this is especially true with my relationship with HIM.  Therefore, I must be intentional in seeking HIM daily!

Joyce Meyer writes: "Most people do not delve into the Word of GOD very deeply.  As a result they get confused about why they are not powerful Christians living victorious lives."

As I read those words, I know that very statement was written for the past tense of me, and as a reminder to the present tense of me, and to meditate on deeply for the future me.  I know that this has all been HIS plan, and HIS purpose for my life.  I know that HE gets excited when the next act, or next chapter of my life is about to begin! I must be intentional that no matter what the circumstances may be in my life, when the time comes I know that the show must go on.  

HE is letting me know that gone are the days of my being lazy in seeking to be filled by HIS word through someone else.  Gone are the days where I rely solely on other's teachings and preachings to build my faith in HIM.  HE has let me know that the time has come that if I truly desire a deep and meaningful relationship with HIM, then I must be intentional!

"A person will get out of HIS word what he or she is willing to  put into it."

I know that this is HIS way of telling me that I must be in HIS word Daily, and be ready to learn HIS Daily Teachings every single day.  I must be intentional and meditate on HIS word.  

"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,and who meditates on his law day and night." Psalm 1:1-2

In seeking HIM and by allowing HIS Daily Teachings to be the core focus in my life, I am learning as each day passes that HIS plan and HIS purpose is what is meant to be for my life.  In choosing to be intentional in building a deeper and meaningful relationship with HIM, I am falling deeper and more in love with my SAVIOR.  

Just this past Sunday D and I attended a church where we took part in communion.  As the Pastor spoke JESUS' words as HE broke the bread for HIS disciples, and held the cup of wine, JESUS blood, tears began to fall.  The magnitude of what taking part in communion really meant to me personally.  I always thought it was just something you did, not something that you were to thank HIM for, or to acknowledge HIM for.  I honestly was oblivious to communion until this past Sunday, where all I could think about what thanking HIM a million times for dying for me, for sacrificing HIMSELF so that I wouldn't have to spend one day apart from HIM or my HEAVENLY FATHER.  I am thankful that I was able to understand the magnitude of communion all because I have chosen to be intentional.

"My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words." Proverbs 4:20

HE is wanting me to know that HIS word is all I need to be thinking about.  

" Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." 
Joshua 1:8

I am learning that this means I must be intentional in choosing to meditate on HIS word, and allow HIM to show me the way I am to live my life.  A life full of HIS plans, and HIS purpose, to be the Hands and Feet of JESUS, to love others, and to be kind, and generous, and giving.  To be forgiving, and to not judge, but to love, show mercy, and to extend grace.  These are HIS commandments, this is HIS law.  I must be intentional and live my life according to HIS word!

"The devil was controlling my life, because he was controlling my thoughts."

Oh how I could have written that for myself.  It wasn't until I realized that I would never be able to grow in my faith in HIM, or that I would never be able to know HIM, until I became intentional in building a personal relationship with HIM!

I am learning that through HIS word and HIS Daily Teachings that I have been set free by HIS love, and HIS power and HIS authority.  I know this to be true as I have been intentional in seeking the truth, HIS truth, not the barrage of lies that Satan and his demons had been fooling me with.

Once again HE is telling me that I must be intentional in saying "NO" to my fleshly desires.  I am to seek what is good, true, and honoring to HIM.  Then I must obey and do what He tells me to do, no matter how I may "feel."

"All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath." Ephesians 2:3

I am learning that for me being intentional means being willing to be held accountable for my thoughts and my actions.  To say it another way, I can't get mad when I make a mistake, and I need to be held accountable for my mistake.  I can't get mad when the consequence is me partaking in a HUGE slice of humble pie.  I can't get mad, when I am the one who must say they are sorry, or when I must be the bigger person.

Today HE has revealed to me that one of the areas where I really need to be intentional is when I allow myself to become easily discouraged, which leads to depression.  This is to say when I am depressed it kicks my butt every time.  HE is letting me know that it is imperative that I remain intentional in seeking HIM and HIS will for my life,  when I am depressed. 

"So my spirit grows faint within me;my heart within me is dismayed.I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done" Psalm 143:4-5

"Your mind plays an important role in your victory"

I am learning that this means that I must be intentional in lining up HIS word with my thinking.  I must shut of the "noise" of the world is telling me to do, and focus on what HE is telling me to do.  I must allowing HIM to transform and renew my mind DAILY, as there is never ever going to be a moment in my life where I am going to be okay without HIM!

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

I pray that today is the day that you will decide that it is time for you to be intentional.  I pray that HE will reveal HIMSELF to you in a way that will rock your world.  I pray for HIS timing, and  HIS provision for your life.  I pray that you will allow your thoughts to align with HIS plans and HIS purpose for your life, as HE truly does love you and knows you best.  I pray for HIS favor and HIS blessings to be poured over your life when you choose to be intentional in seeking to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with HIM.


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