Saturday, December 14, 2013

HIS light

Each time HE takes me back into my past, especially to my childhood, I can't help but to feel sad.  As I have written before, I didn't have a very happy childhood.  Today I was reminded of what my daily life used to be like when I lived with my parents.  Though I wasn't being physically abused, I was however being verbally abused.  Not only by my parents, but by my older brother.  

We had a very volatile relationship that was filled with hitting, screaming, biting, punching, kicking, you name it we did it.  Our fighting had become so bad, that when I was just eight years old I was rushed to the hospital as I was in horrendous pain,  and it was later that I was diagnosed with my first ulcer.  We grew up hating one another, not even know the personal hell that we were both enduring.

Sadly it would be many years later before HIS light would shine on the years of lies and manipulations that tore us apart.  I will NEVER forget the first time he and I discussed at length the lies that we had both been told about one another.  I will NEVER forget how hard I cried, as we had been robbed of our relationship for so many years.

HIS Daily Teachings today was HIS loving reminder that even when all hope seems lost, HE is there, just as HE was so many years ago, even when I didn't know it.  As I have written in a previous post, my favorite song when I was around nine years of age was "I will be Here for You" by Michael W. Smith.  My most favorite line the song was "I'll shine a light for you."   Just thinking about those times where I would sit on my bed, rewinding the cassette tape to that part, over and over I would listen to it.  Even then when I didn't know how I would get through another day, HE did, and I know now that HE was shining HIS light on me.

Today HE is telling me that HE sees me worrying, about well pretty much everything.  HE is wanting me to know that just as HE had everything in HIS hands then, HE most certainly has them in HIS hands now.  HE has reminded me this morning through my loving relationship with my brother, that HE truly does make all things come together for my own good.  I am so thankful that we are able to talk about the tough stuff, and still smile, and sometimes even laugh.  I am so thankful that just as I am walking with HIM daily, so is my brother.  I am so thankful that he is leading his family as a strong man of GOD, who despite the circumstances of his life has chosen JOY and has chosen to be led by HIS light.

J ~ if you are reading this, I just want you to know how much I love and adore you!  I am so incredibly proud of the Man you have become, and I am honored to be your sister.  I am thankful for the time that HE has blessed us with, and so thankful that HE has freed us both from the darkness with HIS light.  I love you more than you could ever know.

I am in awe that what I "thought" would be HIS Daily Teaching today, is not what HE is really wanting me to know.  I am thankful that once again, HE knows what is best for me, and I know that when I ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me, HE does, HE can, and HE most definitely will. I am thankful that HIS presence is known to me everyday, and that HE shines HIS light on the things that frighten me, and that through HIS truth, HIS word, I know that with HIM I need NOT to worry about anything!

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Once again, HE is telling me that HE doesn't want me to worry about anything, and is showing me that it is through HIS plan and HIS purpose that HE is building me to be one of HIS prayer warriors.  I am learning that when I feel the darkness closing in on me, I must pray!  I must wait for HIM, and I must trust that HE will shine HIS light on me in the darkness that threatens me.

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

HE is wanting me to know that HE sees me struggling with bondage's that Satan and HIS demon's have tied to me.  HE is wanting me to know that when I call upon HIS name, HIS will lead me to where my trust is without borders, where HE will take me deeper into my faith that I could have ever imagined.  HE is teaching me that even when it seems that all hope is lost, HE is there, HE will shine HIS light, HE will rescue me!

Today HE is wanting me to understand and let go of things that are binding me to the darkness.  HE is showing me that despair, guilt, pride, fear, and worry are a part of Satan's plans to wipe me out.  Therefore I must choose to see that HE will be there for me..... ALWAYS!  I must know that the choices someone else made were not , are not, my fault.  HE is wanting me to know that it is good for me to admit where I fall short, as I know that where I fall short, HE more than makes up for it!  Once again HE is proving to me that even when things are the worse they have ever been, HE is there, therefore I must pray and cast ALL of my fears and anxiety on HIM.  HE is telling me that HIS light should be my reminder, that HE is there, and HE will carry my burdens for me, all I have to do is let go.  I must choose to see that HIS light as HE is waiting to rescue me from the darkness that threatens my very existence.

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its JOY."  Leo Buscaglia

"Blessed is the man who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night."

HE is wanting me to know that just as HE was there during my darkest hours, HE will continue to be there. HE is telling me that I need NOT to worry about anything, that HE will supply and meet all of my needs with HIS abundance.  HE is teaching me that I must keep my faith strong in HIM, that even when darkness is looming, HIS light is shining bright.  I must choose to TRUST HIM, and let go..... and let HIM take all of my cares, and let HIM teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey towards wholeness.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:25-27

The more I sit here thinking about what HE is saying to me this morning, the more I am asking myself, "why is it that I "think" that my life would be better if I were in complete control?"  I know that I am foolish for thinking that way, as HE has proven time and again that HIS plans for my life have been far greater than I could have ever imagined.  Therefore, I know I must choose to see HIS light, and let go of my incessant "need" to be in control and start living with HIM leading me.

"Worry is like a rocking chair, It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."

HE is teaching me that even though in my past life the ground was being cultivated for me to worry, HE can, HE will, and HE does rescue me.  HE always gives me a way out, and HE sends HIS loving reminder that HE is there by shining HIS light!

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Today I am grateful that once again HE has taken me back to my past, and has shown me again, and proven to me once again that HE has always been there.  I am thankful that because I know that, I know that I have nothing to fear in my future.  I am thankful that HE calls upon me everyday to be a prayer warrior in HIS army, and that I know that HE hears and answers every single one of my prayers.

I pray today that you will know that in the darkness HE will shine HIS light for you.  I pray that you will see that HE is there for you always.  I pray that HE will fill you with HIS hope, HIS love, HIS grace, and HIS mercy.  I pray that no matter what has happened in your life, whether you chose for it to happen or not, HE loves you, HIS love is unconditional.  HE is waiting, waiting for you to open the door of your heart to HIM.  I pray that you know that when you see HIS light you know that you can always come home.


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