Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Challenge

Last night I attended the last bible women's bible study for this semester.  For the past month I have been reading Christine Caine's  "Undaunted" Daring to do what GOD calls you to do.  It has been through this book that I have really begun to ask the questions of "what now GOD?"  This morning, surprisingly NOT during my bible study, but rather in the shower HE began to speak to my heart.

HIS Daily Teachings today is about The Challenge, more so, HIS Challenge for me to step up, to live undaunted, and daring to do what HE calls me to do.  HE is wanting me to know that I am being called to speak HIS word, to share HIS love to others, and to be sure that my life is a living testament to HIS HOLY GRACE.  However, even in doing all of that, or so I "think" I am doing, HE is showing me where I have fallen short.

It has been through many of HIS teachings that I am learning that I just don't quite understand yet, what it is to love people as HE loves them.  Time and again situations have come up in my life, and I have fallen short. I have been judgemental, critical, unloving, unkind, and sometimes just plain cruel.  The realization of these things is hard for me, as I never intended to hurt anyone as I have been hurt before.  In seeking HIM, and HIS will for my life, I want to run away as far as I can be from anything, and everything that is unholy, and fall safely in HIS loving arms.  

HE is wanting me to know that I am called to be HOLY as HE is HOLY, and I know this because I was created in HIS image as it is has been written.  

"He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time" 2 Timothy 1:9

"But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

This is comforting for me to know,,as I am almost relieved that the evil that I have lived through, been, and surrounds me to this day is NOT WHO I am created to be.  HE is wanting me to know that HE created me with LOVE, HIS LOVE, HIS PERFECT, NON-JUDGEMENTAL, UNCRITICAL, LOVING, KIND, CARING, UNFAILING LOVE.  This morning HE is telling me once again that it is because HE loves me that HE won't allow me to stray from the path that HE has chosen for my life.   HE is wanting me to know and understand that HIS will truly is the only way I will ever be able to truly live my life safe from my own prison without a key.  

HE is teaching me that because I have received, and know of HIS love, I am called to love as HE loves.  In the past month I have been hearing from HIM about what it means to love others.  It wasn't until this morning, in the shower that I fully understood what HE is calling me to do.  I knowing this, I know that I am ready for The Challenge that HE is placing before me.  I know that with this challenge will come many tests and trials to ensure that I truly understand, and know what loving someone the way HE loves them means.  

HE is telling me that I am to prepare my heart for The Challenge.  I am to be seeking HIM Daily, and asking HIM to create in me a heart like HIS.  HE is challenging me to be brave, be bold, be courageous, be loving, to say NO to what the world is telling me, and to seek HIM with all that I am and all that I have.  

This morning I am being reminded of what this means for my life through a song's lyrics that we sang this past weekend at church.  

"Oh to be like You Give all I have just to know You Jesus, there's no one besides You Forever the hope in my heart" Hillsong United, "Scandal of Grace"

As I was singing, it became my hearts cry to be like HIM, to know HIM, to be beside HIM, to love HIM, and to give up everything I have just to know HIM.  It has been through this past year of breakthroughs that I am confident in knowing that I need HIM.  I know that I need HIM in a way that I have never needed anything before in my life.  

This morning HE is taking me back to the day that I fully surrendered.  I remember lying on my bed, drenched in tears, as feelings of failure, fraud, anger, hatred, shame, guilt, overwhelmed me.  For a brief second I even thought maybe it would just be better to end it all.  Not knowing what else to do, I slid off my bed, and onto my knees, and cried out to HIM, "JESUS, please oh please, help me.  I can't be the wife you want me to be, the mama you want me to be, the friend you want me to be, the person, I hate myself, I hate what I've been through, I hate my testimony.  I hate my struggles, I hate the way I am feeling, I need YOU, oh GOD how I need YOU."  

It was in that moment that I am now realizing that I had accepted the very first challenge that would make up this entire year of challenges.  HE is taking me back to the moment in Wal-mart on date night that I would receive the first confirmation that my breakthrough was coming.  As I sit here and type, and go back, tears fall as the person of WHO I was, is no longer here.  I sit here typing in confidence that I am loved, I am saved, HE is faithful, I have been rescued, and because of that I know and understand that it is my calling to accept The Challenge to shout it, scream it, from the mountains, that HE is LORD, HE is GOOD, and HE loves each and everyone of us.  That through HIM death has no sting, that through HIM we can, and will overcome that of which Satan has tried so desperately to destroy us with.  

Today I am thankful that I am able to say that I am thankful for this life that I am living.  That I am honored to have my mess, which is HIS beautiful mess.  I am grateful that I am being given the chance to share my story, which is my living testament of WHO HE is, WHAT HE has done, and WHAT HE will continue to do.  I am accepting HIS challenge and I am seeking HIM with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, to show me how to love, who to love, and when to love.  I am seeking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to reach the people that are being reached through my story.  

Dear friends, I pray today that if you are in need of a breakthrough, that you will have the courage to fall to your knees and fully surrender and call out to HIM, as HE truly does love you.  HE wants you to know HIM, and to draw you near to HIM.  HE wants you to know that HE knows of your pain, shame, guilt, and unforgiveness that you harbor in your heart.  HE is there, HE is waiting for you, to set you free from your own prison without a key.    I pray today is the beginning of your breakthrough as you seek HIM, and declare HIM LORD of your life.  I pray for peace, and comfort for you all as you go through the storms of your life.  I pray that you will feel HIS presence today, and let you know that with HIM you are never alone.

with many prayers and blessings for you all,

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