Monday, October 13, 2014
love is forgiving
The current season of growing that I have been in has been HIM getting right to the matters of my heart. I knew when I started this season that HE would be bringing out pain from my past, however I never imagined the pain that was buried so incredibly deep that HE would have to use several people in my life to bring it to the surface. Now that HE has, I can honestly say that I am FULL of JOYFUL elation and relief. Never in my life have I felt so different, NOT even when I gave my life to CHRIST, because I now know and understand that was only the beginning.
I always "thought" that giving my life to CHRIST was all I would have do to in order to be HIS follower. Never did I even think for once that HE was just interested in knowing that I BELIEVED in HIM, but that I would come to know HIM to TRUST HIM, to truly BELIEVE HIM, so that I would be able to hold fast to HIS promises for my life. More than that, HE desired greatly for me to be healed.
HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me back through the past few days of events, and is showing me WHY HE did what HE did, in the timing that HE did it. A few days ago my world was rocked, as something within me was stirred up, and just as it had happened to me before, my soul erupted. Only this time I knew that I had HOPE, and that is what I was clinging to. However, I will tell you I am human, and I was angry, extremely angry at where HE was taking me. I was angry as I was quickly learning what HE was calling me to do, and to me that was devastatingly hard. I begged and pleaded with HIM NOT to make me do this, but just please do something else for me instead.
Well as you know as I have written before, HE was going to teach me to TRUST HIM, in HIS way, HIS timing, and for HIS purpose, NOT mine. HE began to release a series of events in my life involving my husband and my two daughters, friends, dad, my mother in-law, and my brother, and his wife. HE used everyone around me to ensure that HIS message was spoken to me loud and clear.
Now in my humanness I didn't quite hear HIS message, and that is because they each had something different to say, however HE did that on purpose, because HE was testing my discernment on whether or NOT I was really listening to HIM, or I was listening to what I wanted to hear. Even wonderful church family and friends were praying for me, without even knowing what was going on. NO doubt they were praying for HIS will to be done.
"Who is wise? Let them realize these things.The ways of the are right;
Finally I broke, I broke down, cried, and cried so hard I couldn't breathe. I went to bed three nights in a row at 8:30 p.m. I woke up in the early morning hours, feeling broken, lost, and so confused as to how or why HE would call me to do what HE was calling me to do.
Finally yesterday morning at 3 a.m. HE let me know that it was time, it was time for my true healing to take place, and that HE was going to ask me to TRUST HIM, and do what HE tells me to do without arguing, and without trepidation. Reluctantly I made me way down to my office, and pulled out my journal and devotionals. As I read through the first one, I was confused as I didn't feel as if though HE were telling me anything. However, as soon as I pulled out my second devotional, this is what I read: "Grace is the power of the HOLY SPIRIT coming to us freely, enabling us to do with ease what we could never do on our own." As soon as I read that I knew right then and there what HE wanted me to do, what HE was calling me to do. With that I logged onto my computer, and I began to type to her....... my birth-mother, a letter of forgiveness, love, and HIS message of HOPE by telling her my story.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
As soon as my fingers struck the keys, it was as if though I were somewhere else, I was truly in CHRIST'S PRESENCE, HE was there, leading me through it, telling me what to type, and holding me as I got caught up in my breath of the words that I was typing. HE was there using me as HIS living vessel to bring HIS message of HOPE to her. It took almost an hour to type it, and to proofread it, and then I sent it through a private message through facebook.
Afterwards I went upstairs and woke up D and told him what HE had done through me. D was excited, relieved, and proud of me. He held my hand as I read it to him, and smiled at me. He was so excited for me to be able to truly be in GOD'S PRESENCE. I told him, I've always felt HIM, but NOT the way I did while I was typing my letter of forgiveness. I told him that I knew that HIS Daily Teachings had been preparing me for this moment ALL along. HE knew, that one day my heart would be renewed, transformed, and strengthened enough to be able to cultivate forgiveness for the most horrendous pain that I carried deep inside of me. HE knew all along that I was still locked in my own prison without a key, and yesterday HE handed me that KEY, and I was truly set free. Through HIS amazing grace I learned that love is forgiving. I learned that because I love HIM, and I know HE loves me, HE desired greatly for me to be free.
"Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." 1 John 4:20
In learning that, I headed to church, where I couldn't wait to be able to worship HIM for all HE had done for me, is doing, and will continue to do. I felt new, and as the message began I started feeling the effects of being awaken at 3 a.m. to receive HIS true healing. As I struggled to stay awake during the message, a young guy walked out on the stage and did a spontaneous back flip, with that I was awoken, and I began to hear what our guest speaker was saying.
The message yesterday was about contentment, and how when we strive to live with GODLINESS in our lives, it will no longer but a struggle to be content. The message was talking about how when we receive CHRIST as our savior, we are giving a new life, and are to put on a new nature. The reason for the back flip, is because the young guy was a trained gymnast, that he trained to be able to backflips. It was his learned 2nd nature. The example was for us to have visual look at how we are able to achieve GODLINESS.
If that wasn't enough to get my attention, the speaker told a story about his mother, and how he knew that she was putting on her new nature, as her total disdain for her birth mother was prevalent just a few years before, however she one day said to him "I'm dying, and I'm worried what I'm going to do when I see my mother in HEAVEN." He said that through achieving GODLINESS she went from she will rot in hell, to oh my what am I going to do when I see her in HEAVEN. He went on to say the reason for her thinking she would rot in hell, as her total disdain and anger towards her mother was because that is how she managed all the pain and hurt from her childhood with her mother.
I sat there with tears streaming down my face, D reached over and took my hand, and I later found out my daughters were sitting there with stunned looks on their faces of what the LORD had done for me, and for them. HE brought us into HIS presence, and blessed us all with HIS blessed assurance that what I had done was truly for HIS glory and NOT mine. That through my obedience not only me, but they too received HIS true healing of PEACE.
Today I am living my life in HIS presence, as I am no longer living under the management of my pain, hurt, and anguish. I am under New Management, and that is HIS Truth! Today I can say that I have truly been set free from the fear, lies, hurt, anger, bitterness, resentment of my past. Today I am truly free, all because I chose to answer HIS calling on my life and this is love is forgiving.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS~ I know that you have been hurt, and are hurting. I know people haven't apologized, and that continue to hurt you. Life is hard, and is unfair sometimes, maybe even seeming like all of the time. I pray today that you will seek HIM, and let HIM bring you into HIS presence. I pray that you will have the courage to let HIM transform and renew your heart, as HE gets to the matters of your heart. I pray today that you will be covered by HIS love and comfort, so that you will know that the pain that you feel is not something HE wants you to keep. I pray today that you too will take the step in answering HIS calling for your life that love is forgiving.
Much, love, prayers, understanding, and compassion <3
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,