Monday, December 8, 2014

even when it hurts.....

If you have been reading the blog from the beginning you know my story.  If you were to go back and read from the beginning, you would be able to read all about my hangups, strongholds, traumas, nightmares, and all the other horrific and awful things that I endured.  You would also be able to read about all the blessings, favor, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, grace, and mercy that have been bestowed upon me, for me by my loving SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST.

When I first began my journey with HIM, I thought the hard part was behind me.  That somehow being saved meant I would no longer have to endure any more painful experiences in my life.  What I would learn almost immediately after being saved was thinking like that couldn't have been further from the truth.  In this case the truth, as I would learn, was that pain, suffering, struggles, tests, storms, and trials were really just beginning.

HIS Daily Teachings today really began yesterday on the drive to church.  One of my soul-sisters felt led by HIS HOLY SPIRIT to speak HIS words to me, and honestly those words pierced my heart. What she said really spoke VOLUMES to my heart, about HIS plans, HIS will for my life, that my losing my Son was always planned, and through losing my son my FAITH was strengthening.  That she could see it, just as others could see that my strength my resolve was strengthening with each day passing, and what the enemy thought he was going to wipe me out with, really only made me press, and lean into harder into HIM for HIS strength, HIS goodness, HIS faithfulness, HIS mercy, HIS kindness, all through HIS amazing grace, and relentless, unfailing, unending, unconditional love.

It was after receiving her message that I began to hear HIM speak straight to my heart. 

 "Heather, the only way through this is by accepting, and embracing MY will for you."  

HE began speaking to me about how in my past I have always been able to embrace and accept HIS will for my life, as the hard part was already lived out before I received HIM into my heart.  In fact even though I would endure hard parts after being saved, because of HIM showing me, teaching me that HIS will is best for my life, I was able to just accept and embrace HIS will for my life.

However, HE is letting me know that what I didn't know and that would soon learn was that I, Heather, am HIS daughter, and because HE loves me, HE is asking me to TRUST HIM, and to PROMISE HIM that I will embrace and accept HIS will for my life, even when it hurts.....  

HE is wanting me to know that HE doesn't have a blind eye to my pain, that HE knows how badly I am hurting.  HE is not surprised at all by my anger at HIM, in asking the hardest thing from me, and that was to give HIS son back to HIM.  HE is telling me that even though I know that my children, are really HIS children, what I didn't understand was that just as my story has already been written, theirs have as well.  HE is letting me know that my son's story was written so beautifully to bring me even closer to HIM, even when it hurts......

Today marks eight weeks since HE called HIS son, my sweet precious son HOME.  Today I can say that I am thankful, as the fog that I was living with has been lifted. Today I can say that a peace has come into my heart, as I am learning to accept and embrace that HIS will is truly what is best for my life, and my families life.  Even in knowing that, it's still hard, and tears still fall, as I miss my son terribly.  This Holiday Season, is a painful reminder of what we once had, and what is over, and will never be again on this side of the veil.

HE is letting me know that it is okay to have those thoughts.  HE is reminding me that even when it hurts....  I,  Heather,in my brokenness must choose to remember that with Christmas right around the corner, comes celebration of HIS greatest gift, HIS SON, my LORD and SAVIOR, WHO came to this earth as a tiny little babe to save this broken and fallen world.  HE is reminding me that is THE REASON to celebrate, even when it hurts........

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

As I poured my heart out to HIM this morning in my journal, I prayed for healing for my pain, I prayed for freedom from the stronghold of control.  I prayed that I would SEE HIS glory in all of this pain, sadness, and heartache.  I prayed that my life, my story would bring ALL praise, honor, and glory to HIM.  I prayed that my story, my FAITH in HIM, would bring thousands, if not millions of souls home.  I promised HIM once again, that I, Heather, HIS faithful, and humble servant am ALL in!!! I promised to embrace and accept HIS will for my life, even when it hurts.....

"Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” John 11:40

It is of no surprise to me that today's Power Thought by Joyce Meyer is :  I BELIEVE I will SEE GOD's Glory."  

She goes onto say that glory means, "manifestation of GOD's excellence."   Upon reading that I immediately thought, this LORD, this is what I want for my life.  More than anything, my hearts cry has become oh LORD let there be so much more of YOU, and so much less of me.  HE is letting me know that the only way HE will be able to transform and renew my heart, soul, and mind, is when I let go of doing things my way, in choosing to embrace and accept HIS will for my life, even when it hurts....

Once again HE is reminding me of my life verse, and that HE promises that HE will NEVER leave me, nor will HE EVER forsake me.  As I am a sloooooow learner, HE is letting me know once again that HE is my refuge from the storms of my life.  HE is reminding me that where I am right now, is right where HE has planned for me to be.  HE is letting me know that the vast, deep, ocean that I am in, has been written on purpose, for HIS purpose, as my purpose, so that I would be able to embrace and accept ALL that has been written for my story, even when it hurts....

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

"I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;   turn your ear to me and hear my prayer. Show me the wonders of your great love,    you who save by your right hand  those who take refuge in you from their foes.  Keep me as the apple of your eye;   hide me in the shadow of your wings  from the wicked who are out to destroy me,    from my mortal enemies who surround me." Psalm 17:6-9

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that if you hear anything of my story today, is that even when it hurts..... HE is STILL GOOD.  I pray that if you too are hurting that you will seek HIM, and RECEIVE HIM into your heart, so that HE can begin to transform, and renew your heart, soul, and mind, so that you too will know that your story is a part of HIS story, and it was written on purpose, for HIS purpose, as your purpose to live out the amazing life that HE has planned for you all along.  I pray that if you too are in the ocean, that you will have the courage to reach up, and allow HIM to pull you close and keep you wrapped safely in HIS loving arms of refuge.   Dear friends, I know your hearts are troubled, and you are in dire turmoil, please know that you are NEVER alone.  Seek HIM, HIS word, and allow HIS promises to flow in you and through you, so that you will be able to experience HIS goodness, HIS faithfulness, HIS mercy, HIS love, HIS kindness, and HIS amazing grace.  Praying for HIS favor and HIS blessings to be poured over each of your lives today.

Always, with love, and prayers,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

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