Tuesday, December 30, 2014
As I sit here thinking about what happened to myself, and my family this past year, a mix of emotions comes over me. From elation of finding our church home, to sadness as many tests, trials, and storms hit in our children's lives. To an amazing, fun, summer, full of family time, full of love, laughter, LIGHT, and precious memories. To disappointment that we didn't to move to our forever home near our church, and learned the incredibly valuable lesson of waiting..... for HIS timing and HIS provision as they are so perfect. To complete and total PEACE that we were being called to continue with homeschooling our precious five children. To excitement for our oldest daughter to start driving school. To total JOY and ELATION that the Holiday's were coming up, but first an amazing week of Birthday's and D and my sixteenth wedding anniversary. To anticipation of Christmas and all the fun activities of which we were planning to do. To thoughts of sledding as a family, and sitting together drinking hot cocoa watching the snow fall down, and praying that Daddy would have many snow days where he didn't have to work outside of our home. So many emotions, ALL of which were a part of our plan, more specifically "my plan."
"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the evil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."1 Peter 5:8
Life Verse: ~ "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
HE is telling me that HE has heard my cries for HELP in wanting so badly to SEE, experience, feel, and know of HIS JOY in my life once again. HE is telling me that I don't have to let my grief HIDE HIS JOY, that HIS JOY is there, always for me to claim, written specifically for my life, beautifully written, in the midst of the tragedy, tears, and heartache. HE is wanting me to know that the enemy is the ONLY one who is thinking ill thoughts of me, and for me, as he wants NOTHING more than to see me fall, fall hard, and ultimately give up, walk out, walk away from HIM, and HIS unconditional, undeniable, unending, unfailing, amazing LOVE and GRACE.
In my humanness, I had this sort of arrogance about me that surely because I am HIS faithful servant, as I have proven to myself to be, NOTHING bad would happen to our family. After all we were most certainly covered under the blood of JESUS CHRIST. Over and over I thanked HIM for HIS FAITHFULNESS, and PRAISED HIM for HIS HOPE which HE filled us with each day, and PRAISED HIM for HIS favor constantly being poured over our family. All the while oblivious to the most horrific, life altering event of my families life was just on the horizon.
Then on one of the most memorable days of "my plan," tragedy struck, and the most devastating storm ripped through our family. In just one breath our lives, our hearts were shattered. In one breath our families lives were changed forever. Death had coming knocking at our families door, and didn't wait for an invitation in, in prowled in like a thief, and stole our precious, innocent, beautiful blue eyed little almost two year old son. In an instant he was here, and the next breath he was gone.
"The comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10
For the past eleven weeks now, I've been struggling to understand, how, or why that "my plan" wasn't what HE wanted for our lives? Over and over I begged, pleaded, and sometimes just plain yelled at GOD to PLEASE tell me WHY LORD, WHY, and begged and pleaded for HIM to PLEASE un-break ALL of our hearts. To which HE responded by leading me straight into HIS word, and reminding me of our family verse, my life verse, my favorite Psalm, and then planting three new verse's deep into each and everyone of our families hearts.
Family Verse: ~ "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Favorite Psalm: "
New Family Verses: "
With these new verse's we began to pray in a way that we have NEVER prayed before. Daily we have been praying over these verse's, and are SEEING HIS truth, HIS promises being lived out, poured out for each and everyone of us. NOT only are we SEEING, but we are also experiencing, feeling, HIS love for each of us. I can tell you for myself specifically I am being blessed double by HIM, almost daily.
"Instead of your shameand instead of disgraceAnd so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
HE is wanting me to remember that when I allow the enemy's thoughts to creep in and steal my JOY, that is WHY HE began HIS Daily Teachings in May of 2013 so that I would be able to understand that my spiritual health, and well being depended on how right I would be thinking, and that is by choosing to let HIS HOLY SPIRIT teach, lead, and guide me to show me how to live according to HIS plans, HIS will, HIS purpose written specifically, beautifully, and perfectly for my life.
"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:26
HE is telling me that the only thing I need to know and remember, is that in order to fully understand what HIS word, HIS promise means for my Glorious Future, is that is depends, and relies fully on my complete and total, without waiver TRUST in HIM, and for HIM. HE is letting me know that this is WHY HE began to teach me almost six years ago, to REST in HIM, and TRUST in HIM, which then lead to TRUST HIM, NOT just TRUST in HIM.
I can honestly tell you that since Monday, October 13, 2014 the worst day of my life, HE has been there for me every single step of the way. I can tell you that I have felt HIS love, HIS grace, and HIS peace being poured out for me, in me, and through me, so that I would NOT only survive the worst day of my life, rather I would be able to with HIM, and through HIM conquer the massive loss, pain, anguish, suffering, and heartache in losing my precious little boy.
HE is letting me know that HE is there always, and HE is very much aware, always aware of the darkness that is creeping in around me, and threatening to shut out, close out, and cover HIS light. HE is letting me know that I NEVER have to fear being in darkness EVER again, as HIS light is so bright it even outshines the sun.
"The sun will no more be your light by day,for the will be your everlasting light,
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5
Today HE is telling me that I can relax, and rest in HIM, as HE is my refuge, HE is my source of comfort, hope, peace, grace, love, and mercy. HE is wanting me to know that the attacks that I am under, are NOT going unnoticed, and when I TRUST HIM completely, that is when I will SEE all that HE is doing, has done, and will continue to do on my behalf. HE is telling me that when I choose to TRUST HIM completely that is when I will be able to SEE HIS Glorious Plans, for my Glorious Future, FULL of HIS JOY, HIS PEACE, HIS LOVE, HIS GRACE, HIS FAVOR, and HIS abundance of BLESSINGS.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13
HE is wanting me to know that NOT only can I TRUST but I can BELIEVE that HIS Glorious Plans, for my Glorious Future are indeed going to happen!!! HE is telling me that I need to be eagerly anticipating, waiting.... on HIS timing, and praying audaciously for HIM to answer the cries of my heart, and give me the desires, that I have yet to even to realize I have. That is how well HE knows me, and loves me, and that brings me tremendous comfort, and fills me with tremendous JOY, as I can finally SEE once again, HIS HOPE that is in front of me.
"Wait for the ;
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6
"I keep my eyes always on the .