lazy...

For the past three days my heart has felt so incredibly heavy.  Heavy for the lives that were devastated by the tornado's that tore through several towns in IL.  One of which we called home for the past two years, one that we had just moved away from.  This morning I was crying with each article, and picture that I came across.  My heart bleeds for the lives affected.  I can't seem to be able to wrap my mind around the magnitude of the loss that these people have incurred.  

The more I have read, the more helpless I have felt.  The more sad I have become.  So this morning HIS Daily Teachings was to let me know that now is not the time for me to be lazy.  HE is wanting me to know that rather than just laying around feeling sad, and not knowing what to do to help, I must get up and do something!  

As I read HIS words this morning, they really spoke to my heart.

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance" 2 Thessalonians 3:5

HE is wanting me to know that it is time I let go of my lazy attitude, and put on the armor of GOD, and persevere through the times that I am struggling.  HE is telling me that HE began a good work in me, and will continue to work through me until the day JESUS comes back.  I am learning that this means that there is no time for me to be lazy, as this is not GOD's will, or HIS plans for my life. 

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

HE is wanting me to know that I must get up off my lazy behind, and get my rear in gear.  This means stop feeling sorry for myself that things have changed.  I must embrace this new chapter of the story that HE has written specifically for me.  I must stop trying to control what it is that I "think" is best for me.  I must get out of the "I" chair, and get the focus off of me and onto HIM.

I am ashamed to say that I have wasted almost two months of my new life crying about everything that I have lost, everything that we have left behind.  I have failed to see the blessings that have been right in front of me.  I even "tried" to control what church we would attend, and in doing so, GOD quite abruptly shut that door.  

HE is wanting me to know today that until I let go.... and let GOD, I will continue to struggle.  Today I signed up to be a volunteer at the church that HE has placed us in.  I am stepping out of my comfort zone, and serving in the largest church I have ever been in.  

HE is wanting me to know that HE has chosen me to be the example in my family as to doing what HE calls me to do.  HE is teaching me that living my life as a testament for others, is not for me to decide how I will live, but rather to let HIM teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey.  

In my humanness I fail to see just how GREAT HE truly is!  In my humanness because I "feel" like I can't, and so I become lazy.  I am learning that when I allow myself to become lazy, I miss out on so many of HIS wonderful blessings.  I miss out on the amazing opportunities that HE has placed in my path to serve others.  To truly bring HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to Earth.  

In my prayers as of late I have ask HIM to show me "more" of HIM.  What I have failed to see is that HE has been revealing "more" of HIM, I just was to busy focused on what I "thought" the "more" should be.  I tried telling HIM what I would do, and would read, and well, lets just say, "with GOD that doesn't work."  

My desire to know "more" of HIM has led me to some really tough soul-searching.  HE is revealing to me just where my heart lies, and not where I "think" it lies.   Just as I "thought" I was doing enough, HE has let me know that I was in fact becoming very lazy.  HE reminded me this morning about how I used to serve at our previous church.  HE reminded me of how I didn't wake up on a Sunday morning dreading going to church, but rather I would get up with excitement knowing that I would see my church family.

HE is wanting me to know today that even though I may miss my previous church family, HE does in fact have a new set of church family waiting to meet me.  HE is wanting me to know that HE can't bless me with all of the wonderful blessings HE has in store for me, until I let go of my constant neediness to be lazy.

HIS Daily Teaching has been a tough lesson for me today, as I don't like being so transparent and letting everyone who reads my blog know that I am indeed lazy.   I am terrified of what people will think when they read that I have gone from being an on-fire servant of CHRIST, to a lazy, stay at home, crying, feeling sorry for myself, not doing anything meaningful , lazy, lazy, um didn't I mention lazy? ...... Christian.

I shudder at that very thought, so today I will seek HIM and ask HIM to direct my heart with HIS love, and I will let HIS perseverance win over my being lazy.

LORD JESUS, create in me a heart like YOURS.  Create in me a heart full of love, compassion, grace, mercy, kindness, giving, and forgiveness.  Help me to turn from my foolish ways, and to seek YOU and ask you to teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey.  I pray that YOUR kingdom of HEAVEN will be brought here to earth.  Show me the ways LORD that I can be a blessing to others, and use me LORD..... Here am I.... send me.  In YOUR HOLY, MIGHTY, and RIGHTEOUS name!  Amen.