Monday, August 19, 2013

my Father's love

Growing up with an absentee Father has made this part of my journey the most difficult. GOD has been speaking to me these past few months intently about believing HIM.  I know it is because of the abandonment that I endured as a young girl, that keeps me from truly believing that GOD is who HE says HE is.  I am thankful that once again, HE has revealed HIMSELF to me through my latest read titled: "Praying GOD'S Word" by Beth Moore.  

HIS Daily Teaching today is overcoming unbelief.  Shamefully I will admit that I have always believed in HIM, but I didn't really believe HIM.  I mean I always knew HE was the GOD of the universe, the creator of everything, however I didn't believe HIM.  I didn't trust HIM that HE knew what was best for me.  Well in the very least, I said I "trusted" HIM but then went on and made a HUGE train wreck out of my life.  Time and again, HE has picked me back up after I have fallen flat on my face.  So here I go again, being taught another level of HIS teachings about overcoming my unbelief in HIM.

Beth Moore's words this morning really hit home this morning about how GOD teaches me.  " GOD seems to work in themes of my life."  "Every sermon, morning devotional, and Christian Radio program all "coincidentally" speak to me about the same subject for an uncomfortable, length of time."  I would add, not only at church, but through fellow CHRIST followers, and also just random people.  HE is always teaching me, and really wanted me to know and understand this morning, that HE is NOT about making sure that I am comfortable, as HE NEVER wants me to stay in the same place.  HE wants to grow my faith in HIM, and HE wants me to be always thirsty for HIS word and wanting more of HIM.   

GOD wants me to believe HIM, not just believe in HIM.  HE wants me to know that HE is who HE says HE is, and HE does what HE says HE will do.  I know that it is through my faith that I am able to fully understand why it is that I am to believe HIM.  I know that without HIM, I have nothing, well I have a HUGE train wreck, that in my small mindedness cannot seem to "fix."  

Time and again I have been learning this the hard way, as when I don't have a full heart for GOD, HE can, will, and does shake things up in my life to get my attention.  HE has let me know that HE will only let me continue on the trying to "fix" the train wreck that is my life.  HE doesn't want me to struggle, HE wants me to trust HIM, and believe HIM with all of my  heart.  I must cry out to HIM when I am struggling, "LORD JESUS help me to overcome my unbelief."

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

HE has let me know this morning that the only way I will be able to "break free" from the strongholds in my life is to believe HIM will deliver me from them.  I must trust HIM with everything!  HE has let me know that not only must I stop trying to "fix" everything, I must stop looking to the next thing.  GOD has let me know that HE wants me to live in my present, and enjoy it.  HE wants me to stop trying to prepare for all the disaster's that I "think" are coming.  HE wants me to stop trying to "plan" out every detail of my future, and my families future.  HE wants me to trust HIM, and know that HIS plans are what I need to believe, and know that HE has plans for us that will give us hope and future!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Sadly, even though I have been meditating on this verse for quite some time, I didn't receive this "a ha" moment until a minute ago.  HE has let me know that "HIS plans" are what give me a future.  All I give myself is anger, strife, and heartache.  I now know that I must stop trying to plan my future, and let HIM lead me through my present and let HIM plan out my future.  Wow, I am going to just let that sink in.  I will say that this is why I need HIM, ALWAYS!!!  

I am so thankful that my Father's love knows no bounds.  That HE will go to the ends of the earth in searching for me.  That I am HIS daughter and HE loves me.  That HE loves me enough to never let me self-destruct for too long.  That HE loves me enough to keep testing me, and building in me the endurance to "survive" to continue to build my faith and trust in HIM.  I am thankful for my heavenly Father who NEVER lets me settle for being "ordinary" but who rather calls me to be "extraordinary!"  

Excuse me for a moment as I sit here with my eyes welling up with tears.  I am constantly in awe of how much my Father loves me.  I am in awe that through the "hot mess" that I am, HE see's something so magnificent, and that very thought just blows my mind.  I truly believe that moments like these are what makes HIM the most happy in seeing me grow and mature in my faith in HIM.

Today HE has revealed to me that I am to never return to the "cookie cutter" Christian life that I used to live. The life where I was a CHRIST follower, but who didn't really talk about what HE was doing in my life, and who didn't share my story in a GOD honoring way.  Oh  I shared my story, but rather shared it, revealing the pain that was still in my heart.  I was mislead in "thinking" I was to "share" my story, however I didn't realize it was for HIS glory and not my own.  Ninety-four days ago GOD let me know that HE was going to take me through another life change, and I am so glad HE did.  

I have learned more this past 94 days about my Father's love than I did in the past 10 years of my life as a "faithful CHRIST follower."  I have learned more about why HE does what HE does, and how I must choose daily to get out of HIS way so that HIS plans for my life can come to fruition.  I have learned that I must trust HIM that HE will do what HE says HE will do, and that it is all in HIS timing and provision.  I have learned that in order to live the life HE has chosen for me, I must make the choice daily to align my heart and mind to HIS plans for my life.  I have learned that my life is way too hard to live without being HOLY SPIRIT lead.  

I must speak HIS word daily in my life, and I must rebuke any and all thoughts that are not from HIM.  I must seek HIM earnestly, and when I find myself dealing with unbelief, I must confess and allow HIM to renew my mind.  

"Believing and speaking the truth of GOD'S word is like receiving blessed CPR from the HOLY SPIRIT." 

In the past 94 days I have learned that I have missed out on so many blessings in my life because I chose not to trust HIM.  I can now say that I don't want to miss any of HIS blessings that HE has planned for my life.  I want everything that I say and do to be good, pleasing, and honoring to HIM.  

"Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble" Romans 11:20

"We act out what we believe.  Not what we know" Vickie Arruda

Today I am so thankful that my Father's love is all about second chances.  That no matter how many times I stray away from HIM, HE will call out to me, and will rescue me.  I am overwhelmed in knowing that HE will NEVER forsake me, and will NEVER abandon me.  I am overwhelmed in knowing that HIS love for me knows no bounds.

"And if they do not persist in unbelief, they will be grafted in, for God is able to graft them in again." Romans 11:23

Another theme that is reoccurring in my life is "testing." HIM.  I have this incessant need to test HIM.  My pastor spoke about this very thing at church yesterday.  He basically said that when I don't give GOD what HE ask of me, such a the tithe, I am basically saying to HIM, " I don't trust you GOD, I don't believe YOU."  

"They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved. They spoke against God;they said, “Can God really spread a table in the wilderness? True, he struck the rock,and water gushed out,streams flowed abundantly,but can he also give us bread? Can he supply meat for his people?”
21 When the Lord heard them, he was furious; his fire broke out against Jacob,
and his wrath rose against Israel,for they did not believe in God or trust in his deliverance." Psalm 78:18-22

I am learning that I should really be careful in how much I am willing to test GOD, as HIS wrath is NOT something I want for my life.  I must choose to trust HIM, as HE is my all in all.
My Father's love reminded me this morning that I must seek HIM earnestly everyday and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my day.

"Teach me knowledge and good judgment,for I trust your commands." Psalm 119:66

HE has revealed to me that HE can, will and does everything that HE says HE will do.  HE has let me know that HE is able.

When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you” Matthew 9:28-29

I know that I have so much to learn, and I was reminded of this through todays bible study.  "Why does GOD allow us to spend so much of life in the heat of battle?  Because HE never meant for us to sip HIS SPIRIT like a proper cup of tea.  HE meant for us to hold our sweating hands over the fountain and lap up HIS life with unquenchable thirst."

In reading that today HE has revealed to me that I have so much to learn.  I know that all I have to do is ask HIM, and HE will answer me.  

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 21:22

I must pray when I feel myself slipping, LORD JESUS help me to stand firm in my faith during my time of testing.  Help me to endure this storm, and to be still my soul and know that YOU are GOD.

Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away." Luke 8:13

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

I am currently struggling with an ear infection, the first in 15 years, and I am not able to wear one of my hearing aids.  It is one of my greatest fears of NOT being able to hear, and I am terrified of not being able to "hear" GOD one day.  So today I am praying for GOD to fully restore my "hearing" not only my physical hearing, but my spiritual hearing as well.   I don't want anything that HE has to say to me become distorted or lost in translation.

"Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved." Luke 8:12

Today I pray, LORD JESUS let my life be a living testament for other's to witness just how amazing YOUR love and grace truly are.  Let my the tests and trials of my life be proof that YOU are who YOU say YOU are, and that YOU will do what YOU say YOU will do.  Let it be known that we are NOT called to test YOU, but rather to trust YOU.  Help us in our unbelief to turn to YOU and ask YOU to renew our hearts and minds.  Help us to know that with YOU leading us there is nothing left to doubt.

Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” John 20:27

I pray today that if you are struggling with unbelief in your heart about whether or not GOD is who He says HE is that you will allow HIM to show you, WHO HE is, and for you to know WHOSE you are.  I pray today that your Father's love will be revealed to you in a way that you know it is HIM.  I pray today that you will know that you have been chosen for the life that you are living, and that through your faith in HIM you are able to live it.  I pray that through the storms of your life, you will know that you are never alone.


1 comment:

  1. Awesome! I am going to memorize Jeremiah 29:11-13. I never paid attention to the " hope" in verse 11. Thank u!!