I got home around 2pm, and sat down to write out the day's blog. I must have tried typing it at least 4 times before I finally gave up. I called one of my "soul-sisters" and asked her to pray for me. Throughout the rest of the evening I felt "on edge" about so many things in my life. I even went to my women's bible study last night and spent the evening with another one of my "soul-sisters." Ironically our bible study is the book "When Women Say Yes to GOD." We talked a lot about what that meant for us to say yes, and I concluded that I was saying Yes, yesterday, I just wasn't hearing HIM.
When I got home, a sense of sadness came over me, almost grief-like. I felt as if though I was letting everyone down by NOT posting HIS Daily Teachings, and most of all I was letting HIM down, as I didn't allow myself to be taught yesterday. Not wanting to just leave things as is, I quickly typed out my post, "waiting." I laid my head down on my pillow and said, "Lord Jesus, please let me hear from you soon."
When I first glanced at the clock this morning it said 5.a.m. I knew I had better get up, and confess, everything.... the good, the bad, and the ugly. I knew I had to confess my feelings of bitterness that I had allowed to well up inside of me from conversations I had earlier in the week. I wrote it all out in my journal, and I began to read "Whispers." As I was reading I still felt nothing. I tried my best to stay positive, that I would "hear" HIM today, and that HE would be teaching me how to live every single moment of my life today.
GOD waited until the last two pages of the book to reveal HIS Daily Teachings to me today, and when I could finally "hear" HIM, I fell flat on my face. One simple "whisper" is all I heard..... "surrender....."
As I read on, this is what I heard HIM say to me: "Heather, I want you to obey me, everytime. I want you to say LORD, YOU say it, and I'll do it. YOU, say it, and I'll follow it. LORD YOU say it, and I 'll obey it. YOU say it, and I'll carry it out."
If that wasn't enough to get my attention I read this: "Whatever it is YOU want done in order for YOUR kingdom to advance, GOD, YOU "whisper" the word and consider it done."
I began to ask myself, "could I really live up to that statement" Could I really "surrender" all of me? I now know that is what is what was keeping me from "hearing" HIM.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3-4
I will admit that there are times where I write out this blog, as my way of feeling and knowing I am liked. I shamefully hide under the mask of "oh it's all for HIS glory." In my humanness however, I know that I let "pride" slip in, and when I do, it keeps me from living HIS plan for my life. HE wants to humble me in every area of my life. I know that because HE wants to humble me, HE can, will, and does every time. I know this morning I must have exasperated HIM when HE was probably standing over me saying, "Do I have to paint you a picture?" "Come on Heather, you know this, you know what I am asking of you." I can only imagine what it must have been like when the light bulb finally went on, and I understood completely what HE was asking of me.
Today I am heeding HIS "whisper" to "surrender." Today I am letting go... and letting GOD. Today I am choosing to obey HIM, and not let my "feelings" get in HIS way. Today I committing myself to HIM as HE has committed HIMSELF to me. Today I will pick up my cross and follow HIM, not for the recognition from the flesh, but rather do it because I know it is good and pleasing to HIM. Today I will meditate on HIS words that were spoken to me in one of my "darkest hours."
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
Today I will seek HIM earnestly, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my day.
"Show me your ways, Lord,teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me,for you are God my Savior,and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5
I want to live my life heeding HIS "whispers" so that the final "whisper" I will hear from HIM is, "Well done my good and faithful servant."