Afterwards I made my way downstairs to see what my family was doing, and found only my husband and my nine year old daughter. D was reading the blog, and she was watching Catching Fire. I felt completely and utterly drained, so I said goodnight to my two loves, and made my way around our home to find our other three children. I said goodnight to each of them, prayed for them, and crawled into my bed. As I pulled up the blankets I grabbed my son's tweety bird, and his two blankies, and his jacket. I held them close to me, as I breathed in the precious scent of my son, with deep sorrow, as I realized that it was leaving, just as he left me. Silently I laid there as the tears streamed from my eyes, knowing that one day I would crawl into bed, and all of him would be gone...... only the memories to hold onto.
I was woken up at 3:30 a.m. today knowing that HE was wanting me to come spend time with HIM. I quietly crept downstairs to our office, turned on the light and located my journal. First I thanked HIM for my life, for saving me, and for blessing me with five amazingly beautiful precious children. I thanked HIM for my life with D and for having D choose me to be his wife. For the next four hours I sat there, waiting..... waiting.... to hear from HIM, what it is that HE is wanting me to know. Waiting..... crying....... remembering...... the last morning with my son, our last hug, last kiss, last snuggle, last words, last laugh, last giggle, last...... oh my morning was so full of here comes goodbye.
Finally when I had all but given up on hearing from HIM, I received a loving message from a dear soul-sister who let me know that she had been praying for me. She sent me the lyrics to a song I had never heard before by Hillsong United called "Take Heart" Tears flowed from my eyes in reading the lyrics, and I quickly looked it up, and just like always, HE was there, ready to speak to me right where I was.
HIS Daily Teachings today is simply this, take heart my dear sweet daughter Heather. Take my words, take my love, take my grace, take courage, take rest, take strength, take it all. It's all for you, because I love you. I am holding you, I have caught every one of your tear, and I know how much you are hurting. I know how much you are struggling to find the right words to say. I know you are struggling to be the Mama you "think" you need to be. Take heart Heather, I am with you, I have not forsaken you, I am with you, always. Take heart my precious daughter, I am here, holding you each time a new first comes before you. Take heart my precious daughter that I have not forgotten you, I SEE you, and you are magnificent. Take heart dear one, I am here, here to mend your broken heart. Take heart that just as I have OVERCOME this world, I will help you, and you will OVERCOME this deep sorrow that you feel. Take heart my precious daughter, Heather, I am here to help you, to heal you, to bind up your wounds, to build you strong, to strengthen your FAITH, in ALL of it, I'm here with you, I love you. Take heart.......
HE is leading me straight to HIS words this morning as it is written as HIS promise to me that HE is there. HE is wanting me to know and understand that all of it, was written, on purpose as HIS gift to me, so that when I would find myself so deep in the ocean, I would be able to reach up and be pulled into HIS embrace, where I would learn, learn to take.... take it all, as that is what HE has always intended for me to do.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness" 2 Timothy 3:16
He is taking me back and reminding me of the message I heard at church this past Sunday, and that is: "every person who you SEE with your eyes, GOD deeply loves them, this includes the person who you SEE in the mirror." Pastor Dave
"We love because he first loved us" 1 John 4:19
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
This morning HE is reminding me of HIS amazing grace, and how HE has saved me, captured my heart, and built my strength, and trust in HIM, as HE has proven to me time and again, how much I mean to HIM, and how much HE loves me. Through HIS amazing grace I, Heather, once a dead, lost, sinner, broken, lonely, and thought of last was saved. He is letting me know that in my deep sorrow HIS grace is still there for me, in fact an abundance of grace is just flowing freely for me to drench myself in, and to take. HE is wanting me to know that HIS grace isn't just for me to take , but also for everyone else to receive freely from me, as I know that HIS grace is truly all sufficient. HE is telling me when life gets too hard, as it does only like every other minute these days, to press into HIM, lean into HIM and be filled with HIS amazing grace.
"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
"But he said to me, Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
HE is reminding me of my courage key that I wear around my neck every single day. HE is telling me that true courage comes from stepping out in FAITH, even when I can't SEE what is in front of me. HE is wanting me to know that HE has always intended for me to be a woman of courage. HE is reminding me of a song that we sing at church about how in HIM we are more than conquerors. HE is telling me that if ever I am fearful of any moment of time in my life, all I have to do is remember HE is right there with me, and with HIM I don't have to fear anything. HE is telling me that in times of fear, and doubt HIS courage is there for me to take.