Wednesday, November 12, 2014

this time....

If you were to go back and read everything that I have written about, the attacks Satan has placed on my life, you would see just how often the enemy strikes, and what he has done to try and take me out. Over and over I have written about the attacks, and have written about HIS love for me, capturing my heart, rescuing me, and setting me back on the path HE has chosen for me so that I am able to continue running this race of life that I am, all the while fulfilling HIS purpose, HIS plan, and HIS will for my life.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me back into my past where Satan waged a war with HIM, and within me, to try and take me out by saying, "if this happens, then this time.... she WILL fall."  To which I BELIEVE with ALL my heart, soul, and mind HE responded 

"she is ready, she will trust me, she will come to me, I will help her.  She knows where her help comes from."  

"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2

It is because of HIS true confidence that HE has taken so much time to instill in me, to teach, lead, and guide me in how to seek HIM, so that I would be made strong when the waters began to rise in my life, and the seas began to rage, and the storm threaten to destroy me.  HE prepared me each and every single time that the attack was planned in this time....

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed." Psalm 107:29

From the moment I was born, I have been under attack.  Sadly as I would later much later on in my adult life how the enemy was out to seek, kill, and destroy me before I could even talk, or walk, much less defend myself.  My parents, my birth mom and dad were his pawns due to their own lives being under constant attack.  The war was waged on my life for my life, and my GOD, my REDEEMER, wrote the most beautiful story of how HE would save me every single time the challenge arose of this time......

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full." 
John 10:10

Through the many attacks of the abuse that I suffered, to the loneliness, and isolation that I suffered HE was there.  HE has so lovingly taken the time to go back with me, showing me where HE was the entire time.  It is so incredibly comforting to me to have been given the gift of HIS perspective, HIS vision when it comes to my past, my childhood, my living nightmare as I used to call it.  Through ALL of it, HE was there, holding me, helping me, protecting me, so that my life would be spared.   HE was there every single time this time...... was spoken.

"You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit." Psalm 30:3

By the time I was a teenager I had already endured so much, and was so angry, bitter, lost, lonely, and clinging to anything and everything good that came into my life.  When I was just sixteen years of age I met my husband D.  Immediately I was smitten with him, and wanted to be with him all of the time.  It's funny to me thinking back, as we didn't even share our first kiss until after 3 months of dating.  Mostly because we went on dates for a month before I left to meet my past.  When I left that day, I know now that the challenge was spoken yet once again this time.....

However, as you have read, even just recently that HE had other plans, plans to prosper me, to give me HOPE and a future.  Once again HE placed people in my life to come to my rescue, and brought me safely home to D, where I have remained for almost twenty years now.  All the while the challenge has been spoken like a broken record..... this time.....

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

By the time I became a Mama I was so utterly broken, lost, confused, and couldn't fathom how to be someones everything.  It didn't take long in my season of motherhood for the enemy to declare war on my life once again, as I couldn't possibly brace myself for another this time....

However, HE had amazing plans, plans of which to bring me back to HIM, to show me how much HE loves me, and has always loved me. Through each and every tear that has been shed, sleepless night that has been endured, to every single cry for help HE has been there.

"In my distress I called to the Lord;  I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears." 
2 Samuel 22:7

I will never forget the day HE asked me to forgive my step-grandfather for his abuse.  HE let me know that when I did, I wouldn't hurt anymore, and HE was right, I don't, and I know that I endured that season of my life, as the challenge was placed once again.... this time.....

"If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” 
Luke 17:3-4

I am learning through living my life with HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me that Satan is desperate to be rid of me, to wipe me out, because I am a threat, and foil his plans every single time.  I am so incredibly thankful that HE has taken so much time preparing my heart for HIS teaching today so that I would be able to see and know how HE was truly in the details each time the challenge was made...... this time......

The day I found out I was expecting my fifth baby, I fell apart.  I cried out to HIM, asking HIM how could I ever do this?  Almost immediately I would learn just how hard my pregnancy would be this time as I began a series of two injections a week of progesterone that would sustain my pregnancy and allow my baby to grow and thrive in my womb.  Almost immediately D and I were at odds, as he didn't want me to have to do injections saying that if HE wanted us to have our baby, HE would make it work without it.  I now know that was the enemy doing everything he could to destroy my baby, and my faith in HIM.  Thankfully HE had different plans than D, and brought us to a meeting of minds, and agreement that we would trust HIM with everything and began the injections.

Very quickly we realized just how difficult my pregnancy would be.  It remained that way all even after the birth of our son.  I remember laying there on the table for a repeat cesarean section, and hearing the sweet sound of my son's first cries.  I remember D rushing over to me saying, "He's so cute Heather, wait till you see him, oh I love him."  I remember laying there praising HIM, thanking HIM for blessing us with another one of HIS children.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.1 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

Almost immediately following his birth, problems arose, with nursing, and within my body.  I was so incredibly sick, and was unable to keep anything down.  Now being sick is hard enough on a mother who delivers naturally, but I had just had major surgery, and I felt as if though I were being ripped apart.  For almost eight hours I remained sick, unable to keep anything down.  Finally much to my relief after two big injections in my legs the doctors were able to help me.  Looking back now, I know that was another challenge that was spoken...... this time.....

HE is letting me know that the enemy thought that if I were sick enough, I would get angry at HIM, and lash out in anger.  HE is telling me that each and every attack that has been placed on my life has been so that I would lash out in anger at HIM, at anyone who was in my presence.

For the first three days of my sons life, he was unable to eat, as I hadn't been equipped with a supply for him yet, and just when I was about to lose it, the doctors released us to go home.  It was on that drive home where I felt completely defeated, asking HIM why I wasn't able to nourish my son?  Almost immediately when we got home, I felt the urge to try once more with my son, and I will never forget as I helped him latch on, praying "please JESUS help me, help him" I felt that familiar twinge, as milk flowed freely to my sons mouth, and it was in that moment that I knew that HE was there, and was helping me overcome the challenge of this time.....

"Yet give attention to your servant’s prayer and his plea for mercy, Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence this day." 1 Kings 8:28

Eight months into my precious sons life, my supply diminished over night.  I was heart broken, scared, and lost, as to how was I supposed to feed my son, how was I to nourish him?  What had I done wrong?  HE is letting me know that was the beginning of HIM teaching me that I could totally depend on HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that I could of in that instant gotten angry and cursed HIM, instead I came running to HIS arms, asking for help.  Again this was another spoiling of the enemy's plans of this time....

"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4

Looking back if I wasn't being attacked through my children, it was with my marriage to D, and if it wasn't them, it was my health.  If that weren't enough it was my friendships, and then my extended family.  If that weren't enough it was my relationship with HIM.  I was falling apart at the seams this time last year, and couldn't understand why HE moved us, and why we still didn't have a church to call home.

"And then God answered: “Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness
pointing to what’s coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn’t lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It’s on its way. It will come right on time." Habakuk 2:3 The Message Bible

HE is letting me know that is because yet another challenge was spoken that this time.... this is the time were surely in my life I would turn my back on HIM, as HE was silent during this season, and our family was falling apart.  Thankfully because HE loves us HE began to put HIS plan into action to bring us "home" in our church where we now live to worship, praise, and hear HIS word.  

The more I got involved in our church, and grew in my FAITH of HIM, the more the enemy was hell-bent on destroying me.  Finally after I had forgiven the final person of whom had hurt me in my past, I was free.  I spoke those words, and thanked HIM for freeing me, and for loving me so much that HE would take the time to prepare me for the greatest most truest freedom I have ever known.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

HE is wanting me to know that it hurt HIM to know that in just a few short hours later the greatest test of my FAITH would come about, as the enemies most hateful, hurtful attack would be placed on my life, and the life of my family.  HE is letting me know that HE wrote this part of my story for HIS purpose because HE knew that I was strong enough as I knew how to seek HIM, and draw my strength from HIM.

HE is letting me know that afternoon of October 13, 2014 HE put myself, and my oldest daughter into a deep sleep.  HE made it so that we wouldn't be checking on my precious son, her youngest sibling and baby brother.  HE is letting me know that HE knew that his mamas would be checking on him, and the only way for HIS plan wouldn't be foiled is by giving us rest, that would be so desperately needed later that night.  HE knew that I would be enduring the hardest attack on my life, as the challenge was spoken..... this time....

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”  An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." Luke 22:42-44

I am deeply comforted to know that even JESUS was so full of anguish that HE cried out to HIS loving FATHER, that if HE was willing, take this cup, HIS calling from HIS life, this calling of anguish, pain, fear, sorrow, frightening HIM to the point where HE prayed so much HE was sweating blood.  The same blood that was shed for my sins, so that I, Heather, a once broken and lost sinner would be able to join HIM and HIS FATHER in HEAVEN.  I am comforted to know that HE knows, HE truly knows the sorrow and anguish that I feel in losing my son.  I am thankful to know that HE is there, comforting me, helping me, and drenching me in HIS amazing grace, and HIS endless peace, and HE pursues me daily with HIS relentless love. I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to know that I am NOT alone in any of this, that HE is my light, that shines in this darkness that is "trying" to threaten me at every turn.  The darkness that chants.... this time.....  I am thankful to know that HIS breath is in my lungs, HE is my everything, and I because of that I will pour out my PRAISE to HIM and HIM alone.  In knowing this, I will choose to stand firm, and NOT let anything shake me, as HE is UNSHAKEABLE!

" Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong" 2 Corinthians 16:13

Today I am so thankful that I can say, "I'm so sick and tired of being the victim!  I am sick and tired of being under attack, and having to pull back lick my wounds, and regroup!  I REFUSE to let the enemy have ANY hold on me, and REFUSE to let him spread anymore vicious lies to me, or anyone else that I love, which is EVERYONE!!!! I am tired of watching the people I care about fall apart because of his relentless merciless, hatred for all mankind!  I, Heather, WILL do, EVERYTHING I am called to do in HIM.  I WILL do my part in making HIS KINGDOM known.  Even if it means through the greatest sorrow, sadness, and pain that I look beyond myself, and my problems, and help people.  Help people WHO don't know they have a SAVIOR.  I WILL speak boldly and LOUDLY that I am NOT going to sit back and let things happen.  I decided a long time ago to FOLLOW JESUS, and there is absolutely NO turning back for me!  I ache for my son, and long to hold him, but the desire to DESTROY the evil deeds of the enemy is EVEN greater in me.  I am determined, and WILL remain that way until the day of CHRIST JESUS that I will DO everything that I am called to do to ensure that this broken, and fallen world know that there is HOPE!  I will live out HIS promises for my life, and I WILL give my life away to HIM every single day.  I WILL speak HIS truth, even when it hurts.  I WILL choose to love, even if it costs me..... this time..... this time..... this time.... HE is building me stronger than I have ever been, and I'm not going to sit around and take anymore crap from the enemy and  just sit back and be quiet.  NO, I'm going to STAND FIRM in my FAITH, and SPEAK LIFE into this world so full of death!  I WILL go where HE leads me, and through my obedience, I WILL be doing my part in making HIS KINGDOM known here on this Earth!  I, Heather have been awakened from a deep slumber, and I will NOT let another moment pass by where I have been given the opportunity to be a blessing to let is pass me by.  I am so incredibly thankful, and humbly blessed to be HIS FAITHFUL FOLLOWER and SERVANT.  ALL for JESUS, always.... this time I'm giving it ALL away, not holding back, throwing my arms up to be caught up in HIS loving embrace.  Praying for a REVIVAL of our world to wake up, and SEE that HE is there, HE loves us, and is waiting for each of us to open the door of our hearts to HIM.  Seeking HIM daily, to teach, lead, and guide me, so that I will let my light SHINE!  FOREVER I WILL sing, "I BELIEVE in GOD OUR FATHER I BELIEVE in CHRIST THE SON, I BELIEVE in the HOLY SPIRIT, OUR GOD IS THREE IN ONE!!!"

"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the Lord has said, even among the survivors whom the Lord calls." Joel 2:28-32

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that if you too have lived through a lifetime of ..... this time..... you will know that HE is there.  I pray that you will know that HE knows how weary your soul is, and how broken your heart is.  I pray that you will have the courage to seek HIM, and allow HIM to transform and renew your heart, so that your life will be lived according to HIS purpose and HIS plans.  So that in a world so full of death and hate, you too will be do your part to pour HIS love, and speak LIFE into this broken and fallen world., so that HIS revival WILL be made known through your obedience.  I pray for many blessings to be poured over your life today through your obedience in HIM.

Much love, prayers, compassion, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

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