To be honest since losing my precious little one, I have thought about how in the world am I ever going to be able to live through this nightmare? How am I ever going to SEE HIS JOY again? How am I going to ever be able to smile again? Over and over the questions flowed through my mind, and through HIS love, HE was there, meeting me to capture me in HIS embrace, to bring me close to HIM, to speak straight to my heart, by telling me
"My precious daughter you just need to live....."
HIS Daily Teachings today actually began yesterday afternoon while at lunch with D and my oldest daughter. My daughter and I were talking about the dreaded questions that people ask, and the things that they say, because they "feel" as if though they need to say something insightful, full of wisdom, as if someone it would just help us SEE in someway that what has happened to our family..... our shattered hearts, well it's all going to be okay..... Over and over we have had to endure countless people try and explain, and because HE loves us, gives us grace to NOT be angry with them, but rather thankful that they love us enough to try and help us, because they love and care for us so much.
One of the things that my daughter said yesterday really struck a chord with me about answering people, and how she felt in learning that her little brother went home to be with JESUS on the afternoon of Monday, October 13, 2014 at 4 p.m. She shared with me her first initial thoughts, after the most excruciating sorrow, sadness, pain, and anguish came pouring out of each and everyone of us. We talked about what it was like to hear us all sobbing, the sounds, forever imprinted in our minds, in our ears, in our hearts..... the tears that fell that day into oceans that flooded our home, the deep sounds of the heaviest anguish any of us had ever experienced.... it changed us, challenged us, and we all now know and understand that we will NEVER be the same, as we know that we have been called to just...... live with it.
In hearing her share her own experience with grief, my Mama heart sunk, as everything I had felt, she did too, and just thinking about her hurting in that way, just breaks my heart. As I sat there listening to her talk about the things she realized that very first night of our families massive loss, one thing that really stood out to me was though you may not understand it, or want it, here it is and you have to live with it.
Last night D, myself and our oldest daughter went to worship night at our church, and again the questions were being asked, and this time, because of thinking all afternoon about my conversation with my daughter I was able to say, "well I have two choices I can either live with HIS TRUE JOY, or I can choose to live miserably. As soon as I said it, I was astonished, as that is NOT something I would have thought of on my own, however since I know that HIS HOLY SPIRIT resides FAITHFULLY in me, I know that the answer came straight through HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me.
As soon as I got out of bed this morning, I headed down to my office to pen my thoughts about how I felt about what came out of my mouth last night. I poured my heart out to HIM about thinking about how to live.... I now know that I truly do desire to live with HIS TRUE JOY. In knowing my heart, and what I was thinking, even before I formed my thoughts, HE met me with HIS amazing grace, and flooded me with overwhelming peace, and spoke straight to my heart about how to live with HIS TRUE JOY.
HE is telling me that HE has always intended for me to SEE past the sorrow, sadness, and pain, so that I would be able to taste and SEE that HE is good ALL of the time!
"Taste and see that the is good;
This morning HE began to pour HIS truth once again into me, reminding me of HIS continual, unending, unfailing promises to me, for me, so that I when I would SEEK HIM I would find HIM, and HE would show me how to live with HIS TRUE JOY. It was through both of my devotionals this morning that HIS word was poured into me, and through me, so that it would now be able to flow out of me to write today's blog post.
HE is letting me know once again that HIS grace and peace are in me, and that HE will continue to speak HIS truth straight to my heart, to ensure that I will always know that HE is with me. HE is letting me know that even though the world may NOT agree, HIS truth for me is that HE is ALL I need. HE is wanting me to know that it doesn't matter what the circumstances may be in my life, that HE will fill me with HIS Blessed Assurance that HE is there, always, waiting for me to seek HIM and ask HIM for HIS help.
"But he said to me, Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"The is near to all who call on him,
Teach me your way, ,give me an undivided heart,
HE is reminding me once again that HE is my refuge, and my strong tower. HE is wanting me to always remember that this means, that whenever my life's circumstances become unbearable, overwhelming, and ends up shattering my world...... all I have to do is RUN straight to HIS arms, and HE will hold me. Even if I don't have the courage, or strength to RUN, all I have to do is call out HIS name, JESUS, and HE will be there to rescue me. HE is wanting me to always know and understand that HE truly does hear every single one of my cries for help.
"The is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our ." Psalm 62:8
" will say of the , “He is my refuge and my fortress,
You are my refuge and my shield;
God is our refuge and strength,Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give wayhough its waters roar and foam
The name of the is a fortified tower;
Okay I'm just sitting here trying to soak in ALL of HIS word that HE has so lovingly poured out for me to study, soak in, meditate on, all HIS gift to me, for me, so that I would be able to know and understand how I am able to live this life that I have been blessed with with HIS TRUE JOY.
HE is wanting me to know that when I choose to live according to HIS will, HIS plan, HIS purpose for my life, that is how I will know that I am choosing to live with HIS TRUE JOY. HE is telling me that choosing to live with HIS TRUE JOY means that I live with a great expectancy that an endless supply of HIS glory, HIS favor and HIS blessings will be poured over me and out for me all of the time. This is not to say like in money or any monetary value, as HIS love, HIS grace, HIS comfort, HIS peace, being in RIGHT STANDING with HIM is far more valuable than any riches of this world.
"Surely you have granted him unending and made him glad with the joy of your presence." Psalm 21:6
"Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked." Proverbs 10:6
"The bless youhe make his face shine on youthe turn his face toward you
Better the little that the righteous have
He gives strength to the and increases the power of the ." Isaiah 40:29
"but those who hope in the will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will grow weary, they will be faint." Isaiah 40:31
"So do not fear, for I am with ; do not be dismayed, for I am r God. I will strengthen and help ; I will with my ight ." Isaiah 41:10
But the Advocate, the , whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:26
"Remember your word to your servant,My comfort in my suffering is this:
The is my strength and my shield;y heart leaps for joy,
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:6
"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,
Your word is a lamp for my feet,
Once again HE is reminding me to lean in to press deep into my FAITH in HIM, that is FILLED with HIS HOPE, that is the ANCHOR to my soul. HE is telling me that when I hold fast to HIS ANCHOR OF HOPE that is how I will be able to live with HIS TRUE JOY, as it won't matter what happens in this life, its ALL about what's waiting for me in the next life, and that so much sweet in one moments time than a lifetime of goodness here in this lifetime. For that am so incredibly grateful and thankful, and now because of my precious little one WHO is waiting for me to meet him on the bridge into forever, I have HIS constant reminder of WHO HE is, WHO I am, WHO I am called to be ALL because of WHOSE I am, because I know fully know and understand that my purpose, HIS purpose for my life, was to learn, discover, uncover, reveal, HIS great LOVE for me. To NOT only know but to experience live with HIS TRUE JOY that is filled with HIS unfailing, unending, unconditional, relentless LOVE for me.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" Hebrews 6:19
"But now, Lord, what do I look for?
In you, my God,I trust in you;No one who hopes in youbut shame will come on thoseShow me your ways, ,Guide me in your truth and teach me,emember, , your great mercy and love,Do not remember the sins of my youthaccording to your love remember me,ood and upright is The ; e guides the humble in what is rightAll the ways of the are loving and faithfulFor the sake of your name, ,Who, then, are those who fear the ?They will spend their days in prosperity,The confides in those who fear him;My eyes are ever on the ,Turn to me and be gracious to me,Relieve the troubles of my heartLook on my affliction and my distressSee how numerous are my enemiesGuard my life and rescue me;ay integrity and uprightness protect me,Deliver Israel, O God,
My final thought today is this, double blessings have continued. Since the loss of my precious son, I had been praying for the LORD to please bless D and I with new bedding for our room, as our bedding made me very angry, and I wasn't sleeping well at all. However, I knew that I needed to wait till Christmas and if I was blessed with the gift of money then I would be able to buy it. I prayed specifically the color and the style of bedding I wanted. I described in detail what I was looking for. It was on December 26, 2014 that the LORD answered my prayer and had blessed me with enough Christmas money to purchase new bedding. The hunt was on, and every store I went into I found something sort of like what I wanted, however if I bought any of it I would have been settling, and in most cases going above and beyond my budget. In my desire to stay true to what would keep me in right standing with HIM to receive HIS blessing just as HE intended, I walked away. It was in the final store that I walked into that day that my prayers were answered. It was there I found exactly what I had described in detail to HIM in my prayers. NOT surprised at all that HE would answer me so specifically as HE loves showing me how HE is truly in the details. The very next day I received a card in the mail, and in it was another gift card, and with that I was able to purchase new pillows for our bed. Since December 26, 2014 I have experienced the most peaceful deep restful sleep I have since the day my precious little love went home to be with JESUS.
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, oh friends if I could tell you just one thing about how much HE loves each and everyone of us is this: It is my constant fervent prayer that you will take up the courage to SEEK HIM and find HIM, and let HIM reveal to you, to shower you, to pour into you, to drench you in HIS amazing love and grace! Oh friends, if you were to experience that, how life changing it will be for you! If you have experienced HIS amazing love and grace, I am REJOICING with you my beautiful friends!!! Our FATHER in HEAVEN truly and surely does indeed LOVE us, and HE is most definitely in the details to teach us, lead us, and guide us through the tests, storms, and trials of our lives so that we will be more than conquerors to live this life with HIS TRUE JOY. Dear friends, I pray today that your prayers are answered, and that you will come to know our LORD and SAVIOR WHO is there, waiting.... for you to open your heart, and let HIM fill it with HIS love, to shatter the darkness that has filled you with HIS LIGHT!!!
always in prayers and much love, with grace, compassion, peace, and understanding,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,