For the past two nights I have suffered from restless dream filled sleep, something I wasn't prepared for as I have been able to sleep peacefully for almost a month now. However, last night, the enemy was prowling and waiting, and just when I least expected it, he pounced, and thus began a war that paralyzed me.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10
I had gone to bed around 11:30 p.m. only to be woken up at 1:30 a.m. After several minutes of tossing and turning, I gave up and picked up my phone and played a few games my precious little love used to love to play. Around twenty minutes into being up, my eyelids grew heavy, and I put my phone down. As soon as I closed my eyes, the images started to flood my every thought, and it took me a moment to realize that I was back to the hour, of where the worst day of my life began.
I immediately opened my eyes, and prayed, "LORD JESUS, please remove these thoughts from my mind so that I will be able to sleep." "Thinking" that would do it, I closed my eyes once more, and as soon as I did, the images were there. Feeling completely freaked out, I laid there, paralyzed hearing the enemy taunting me. Over and over like a broken record I heard, why didn't you pick him up at 2 p.m. what if that was your chance to save him, and you just left him? Why didn't you at least kiss him goodnight, you always did that, why didn't you? What if you would have just picked him up, maybe you would have been able to save him......
Over and over these thoughts flooded my mind, as I laid there paralyzed. I don't know how long exactly that I was in that position, but what I do know now is that HE was preparing me for warfare, spiritual warfare to be exact. Little did I know the victory that was waiting for me when I would open my eyes this morning after being taunted, preyed on, and pursued relentlessly for me to give into the fear that the enemy was "trying" to desperately to take me out with.
HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me right back to last night, early this morning, and showing me where HE was, and where HIS angels were while I laid there paralyzed. HE is wanting me to share what I said, while being HOLY SPIRIT led to the lies of the enemy that brought about one of the first victories I have had in this battle for my mind.
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3
Hearing the words why didn't you pick him up at 2 p.m.? broke me at first. My heart sunk, as I had asked myself that same question a million times. It was then that I felt HIM speak straight to my heart, in reminding me to put on HIS armor, specifically HIS belt of truth, as I have learned that in speak HIS truth, HIS name, then enemy flees.
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." Ephesians 6:11
"Stand firm then, with the buckled around your waist" Ephesians 6:14
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" James 4:7
As soon as I felt HIM speak to me, I answer that thought with HIS word, HIS truth, which was, "I didn't pick him up at 2 p.m. because HE is merciful, and didn't want me to have to suffer anymore by watching my son die in my arms, thus increasing my suffering. HE was so into the details of calling my son HOME that HE made sure that there was NO possible way for me to intervene."