I'm sure by now you are intrigued as to why the title Badge of Honor. To be honest when the concept first came across my heart, I struggled to understand how that could possibly be for me. So much in fact, I tried to talk HIM out of saying those words to me. However, knowing how much HE loves me, and wants me to receive my wisdom, and discernment from only HIM, when I heard it for the second time, I knew it was HIM speaking directly to my heart.
"I am your servant; give me discernment
In hearing it for the second time, I have to tell you I was NOT only floored as to how could YOU possibly be saying to me that my suffering for YOU is my Badge of Honor. It didn't take HIM long to respond, and today HE is wanting me to share what that means to me and for me, and well for you as well.
HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me back to earlier this past week where HE began to work so intently in my heart about the accepting and embracing of this massive loss of my son. This suffering that I, myself, and my family have had to endure. This past week has been filled with many emotions and moments, some of which have taken my breath away, and some that have made me cry the same horrific tears and sobs that I did in that first week where my life was forever changed. Simply put, this past week has been brutal.
All I could write today in my journal was, "LORD JESUS, speak to my heart today, fill me with YOUR HOLY SPIRIT, and lead me where I am too afraid to go on my own." HE is wanting me to know that because I have asked HIM, HE is going to do just that. Today HE is going to take me through what it is that I must know and understand about what it means to suffer for HIM, and more importantly how that means that I, Heather, HIS Daughter have received my Badge of Honor in knowing and understanding through HIM teaching me that to suffer for HIM, is truly an HONOR.
""I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
HE is wanting me to know that if ever I doubt whether or not in these moments where I am hearing the hardest concepts to know whether or not they are from HIM, is to always remember that TRUE DISCERNMENT comes from within, NOT from around me. HE is taking me back to the first part of my breakthrough with HIM, by reminding me the utmost importance of my turning my ear up to HIM, to listen to HIM, and HIS whispers to know only HIS voice, and because HE has taken so much time to teach, lead, and guide me HIS wisdom and discernment, I know that I am hearing HIM loud and clear this morning, as I know that EVERYTHING that HE has done to prepare me for this portion of my journey with HIM is all because of HIS deep love for me.
"turning your ear to wisdom
HE is wanting me to understand that in wearing my Badge of Honor there are going to be times where NOTHING is going to make any sense to me. HE is telling me that in those times is where I must remember WHY HE has taught me the importance of pressing through, and pressing deep into my FAITH and TRUST in HIM. HE is wanting me to know that though I may not have experienced this challenge before in my walk with HIM, HE knew where I would be at this moment, and HE knew just how much I was going to need to remember to press through, and press in.
HE is telling me that to wear my Badge of Honor I must wear it boldly and courageously. HE is telling me that it is imperative that I understand that in doing so, all eyes are going to be on me, as to the world saying that won't make any sense, however since I know I have been CHOSEN, that means that I am called to live my life set apart. In knowing that HE is telling me that is when it won't matter what the world is saying to me, rather I will only have my ears tuned into listening to HIS voice, and HIS commands for my life, as I have learned, am learning, and will continue to learn that HE truly does love me, and know me best, and knows what is absolutely best for me.
" “In just a little while,And, "But my righteous one will live by faith.But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved." Hebrews 10:36-39
Just thinking about all of those details, the details which had led up to this very moment in time in my walk with HIM, HE knew, HE was truly in the details. Laying the ground work, the foundation, my FAITH, my HOPE, my TRUST in HIM, that HE took so much time to create in me, so that I would be prepared, equipped to NOT only survive but conquer the unimaginable, unthinkable, living nightmare that is my life. HE knew, HE's always known, and to be honest, I am so thankful I didn't know, as I I'm not so sure I wouldn't have tried to talk HIM out of every last bit of it. I shudder to think ALL that I would have missed out on, because in looking back HE has taken me on a journey where TRUST is without borders, and has taken me into the deepest waters I have ever known. All because HE loves me, CHOSE me, and knew that I would PRAISE HIM, THANK HIM through it ALL for HIS glory, so that I would BE WHO HE created me to BE.
"Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," 1 Peter 1:3