Even now as I sit here typing, I can still feel the heaviness that has taken up residence in my heart and soul. This heaviness that goes with me every where I go, and is relentless. Each day I wake up the stabbing pain of "hey great job Heather, you survived another day without your son, but guess what, you get to do it all over again today!" Gleefully, cheerfully my sorrow attacks me, and leaves me in its dust. I wish I could say that with time the sharp pain has lessened, however that is NOT the truth. The truth is the more time passes, the more real the pain is becoming, as each new situation, and first that I encounter feels like a betrayal. A betrayal that I am living, moving on, somehow forgetting my precious little boy.
The battle is real in my mind, each day is a struggle to stay in the right frame of mind, as the enemy is constantly on me to tell me how I feel. How to feel, and what to do with those feelings. Thankfully HE introduced the importance of Power Thoughts, so that when I would need to be able to fight back, I would know just what to do. Each day that passes the battle becomes more clear to me, that the only way to survive this is to NOT give in, or give up. Rather this is HIS invitation to me to join HIM in fighting back by leaning in, pressing in, and through my FAITH in HIM.
HIS Daily Teachings today is letting me know that with each step of FAITH I take in obedience to HIM, is giving HIM even more opportunities to shower me with HIS faithfulness. Today HE is asking me once again to step....... to TRUST, to HOPE, to BELIEVE that with HIM all things are possible. HE is asking me to step so that I will be able to NOT only survive the impossible, but so that I will conquer the impossible.
"Jesus looked at them and said,
I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
Since losing my son the world's message has been sent through several different people and that is, out of sight out of mind, medication, giving into depression, it's okay to be depressed, JESUS wants to help you by using other people, so that your dependence will be on NOT only HIM but people as well. Over and over the messages have been shoved, and sometimes crammed down my throat. Over and over I have clearly stated that I need for NOTHING but HIM as HE is truly the ONLY one WHO knows my pain,and WHO can help me. I have said that it has been made clear to me that I am NOT to avoid this pain, but rather embrace the pain, live through it, by falling safely into HIS arms, and crying deeply into HIS chest, as HE is the ONLY one WHO truly has my best interest at heart.