Monday, January 26, 2015


Ever since I was a little girl I have struggled with thinking less of myself.  Thinking that everything that was happening to me was something that I deserved.  It didn't really matter how good things were in my life, I always dwell on the negative of each situation I found myself in.  This way of "thinking" has been something that I have been struggling with for as long as I can remember.

Today after talking to a dear soul sister, I realized that I still am struggling to NOT only speak positive, but before I can even do that, think positive.  So much in fact that I realized I had yet to journal today, and spill my heart out to HIM, and ask HIM to create in my a clean heart about what wasn't right in my heart.  Not really wanting or caring to learn today, as I was having a HUGE pity party for myself in my mind all because of how hard my life is right now, and because of that I have been saying the most incredibly negative things about my life, and discrediting HIM for all the good that HE is doing in my life.

Simply put I've been struggling with stinkin thinkin, and that it turn has made me feel negative about myself, and because of that I have struggled with choosing to take care of myself and my family. Thankfully since I am so incredibly deeply loved and cared for by HIM, HE has captured my heart and attention once again by letting me know that it's time for me to sit down, turn my ear to HIM, so that I will HEAR HIS voice loud and clear, as it is imperative for me to do, so that I will be able to be the wife and mama that HE has created me to be.

HIS Daily Teachings today is getting right to the matters of my heart, in revealing just what all this stinkin thinkin has been doing to me. HE is wanting me to know that I can't expect to feel good about my life, if all I do is allow myself to thinking negatively about the happenings, and events of my life. This is NOT to say that I can't be sad about what has transpired in losing my precious little boy, however it does mean that HE has NEVER intended for me to trapped in a prison of lies because of the way I have let my mind think. HE is reminding me once again that if I truly want and desire to be set free from all the bad and disappointing things that are happening in my life, I must choose to take my thoughts captive.  

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

HE is taking me back to the very beginning of my breakthrough with HIM, in reminding me once again, as I am a slooooow learner that each and every single thought that I allow to come across my mind, to meditate on, to speak, have the power to either speak life, or speak death.  HE is wanting me to know that lately the thoughts that I have allowed to myself to meditate on, and speak have been way less than GOD HONORING, and to be quite honest quite insulting to ALL that HE is doing, has done, and will be doing in my life.  HE is wanting me to know HE isn't telling me this to make me feel bad, but rather to open my eyes up to the lies, to open my heart so that I will SEE that the enemy is "trying" to embed himself deep into my heart, to keep me from SEE HIS GLORY, and HIS GOODNESS that is there in all of my blinding pain of deep sorrow, sadness, anguish, anger, and tears. 

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

HE is asking me to be transparent about the thoughts that I have been having over and over, and have even said many times.  In thinking about writing them out, I'm starting to cringe, as it's horrible to know that I have these thoughts but its incredibly humiliating to know that even being a person of strong FAITH I say such horrible things.  HE is telling me that HE is wanting me to NOT feel guilty about these thoughts, rather HE wants me to be humbled enough to know that it is because HE loves me that HE is having me face the good, the bad, and the ugly thoughts that I have on a daily basis.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

Repeatedly I think: Life is so stinkin hard...... its so unfair...... it sucks..... I hate my life right now.... Everything is hard..... Nothing is the same....... I wish we could go back and live when he was still alive....... nothing ever goes right...... this world is cruel..... mean people suck...... i hate mean people....... (just typing that one makes me cringe, as that is UGLINESS and pure EVIL at its core)

HE is telling me now that I have it all written out, and can SEE it, HE is wanting me to know what HE has to say about each and every single one of my thoughts.  HE is telling me that instead of saying life is so stinkin hard, HE is wanting me to say, though my life seems hard right now, NOTHING is impossible with HIM, and HE can and will make everything work out for HIS good.   All I have to do is TRUST HIM.  

"He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

HE is telling me that instead of saying its so unfair, HE is wanting me to say, though things are happening that I don't understand, HE does, HE's there, HE's walked this journey before me, and when I keep my eyes focused on HIM, and do what HE is teaching, leading, and guiding me to do, I know that no matter what happens, it will all turn out for HIS good.

"He replied, ‘The Lord, before whom I have walked faithfully, will send his angel with you and make your journey a success" Genesis 24:40

"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:26

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

HE is telling me that instead of saying it sucks, HE is telling me that HE while HE wants me to be honest in telling HIM how I feel, it isn't necessary for me to be sharing my negative thoughts with everyone.  After all in sharing those thoughts constantly, how is HE going to be able to use me as HIS living vessel to speak HIS truth, speak life, as HIS ambassador to SHINE HIS light, to be HIS messenger of HOPE, when all I am saying is everything that is the complete opposite of HOPE.

" But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel" Acts 9:15

" For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.  For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:5-6

"Then Haggai, the Lord’s messenger, gave this message of the Lord to the people: “I am with you,” declares the Lord." Haggai 1::13

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" Hebrews 6:19

HE is telling me that instead of saying I hate my life right now, HE is wanting me to tell HIM why I am hurting, what hurts me, what makes me sad, and be in the emotions that I am feeling, so HE can flood me with HIS peace, and shower me with HIS grace, so that I will be able to feel HIS love, so that I will HEAR HIS truth, and HEED HIS truth, so that I will then speak HIS truth, and live HIS truth.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

HE is telling me that instead of saying Everything is hard, HE is wanting me to say, that even though I am struggling by myself, with HIM I never have to worry about struggling, as HE is always with me, and HE will help me get through whatever it is that I need to get through.  HE is reminding me once again that HIS grace is more than sufficient enough for me to get through anything and everything that happens in my life.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

" But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

HE is telling me that instead of saying nothing is the same, HE is wanting me to say, that even though everything around me has changed, HE hasn't, HE was, is, and always will be the SAME today as HE was yesterday and will be tomorrow.  HE in unchanging, and that means that HIS love in unfailing, unending, unconditional, unending, relentless, and HIS grace is amazing.  HE is wanting me to remember that HIS love for me is deep, and HE cares the most for me out of anybody that has ever come into my life, or who will EVER come into my life.

" Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" Hebrews 13:8

"But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,  the purposes of his heart through all generation" Psalm 33:11

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5

HE is telling me that instead of saying I wish we could go back and live when he was still alive, HE is wanting me to soak in my precious memories of my sweet little son, and know that I am able to do so because I was chosen to be his mama, and it was HIS choice to give me the precious time, for precious moments, that are now my most precious memories.  HE is reminding me once again that HE doesn't want me to mourn what I am NOT able to do now, but rather thank HIM for letting me know my son at all, after all HE CHOSE to entrust HIS son to me for HIS purpose, me, Heather, out of all the women in this world, HE chose me to be my son's Mama.  Just thinking about that, brings tears to my eyes, as I can't imagine what my life would be like not ever having gotten to know, raise, love, hug, and kiss my precious little baby love.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." John 15:16

HE is telling me that instead of saying nothing ever goes right, HE is telling me to admit to thinking that, but then allow HIM to speak HIS truth to my heart, and open my eyes to show me just what is right in my life.  HE is wanting me to let go of my way, my plan, and SEE all that HE is doing in my life, and how much overwhelming GOOD HE is doing.

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,  I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

HE is telling me that instead of saying this world is cruel, HE is wanting me to seek HIM, ask HIM what HE is doing in this world that is so broken and fallen, and ask HIM what it is that I can do to help build HIS kingdom here, so that HE will be made known through me, because after all in choosing to follow HIM, I am to be set apart, and that means that while the world is cruel, I need to be, and must be loving, kind, and generous, as HE is to me.  HE is reminding me once again that because HE is HOLY I too am called to be HOLY.

"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." 2 Corinthians 4:4

" But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;  for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16

HE is telling me that instead of saying mean people suck, HE is wanting me to seek HIS vision, so that I will SEE that the people who are mean, are really people who are hurting, and WHO need HIM, and WHO may or may not know it, and are so focused on being, and doing what the world tells them what they are to do, and judges them by what they do, and that becomes WHO they think they are.  HE is asking me to step out, reach out, get uncomfortable, in loving, and SEEING mean people for WHO they are, and that is the last, the least, and the lost, as until everyone knows and understands that their true identity comes from WHO they are NOT what they do, they won't understand that they are WHO they are, because of WHOSE they are.

" For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another." 1 John 3:11

" Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.  We know that we have passed from death to life,because we love each other." 1 John 3:13-14

HE is telling me that it is most imperative, and the utmost of importance for me to understand and know that instead of saying I hate mean people, HE is wanting me to remember that HE loves me EVEN when I am unlovable to everyone else.  HE is reminding me once again that every single person that my eyes SEE, HE deeply loves them.  HE is asking me once again to partner with HIM, by reaching out, loving, even the unlovable.  HE is asking me to TRUST HIM, that HE has it all worked out, and that when I TRUST HIM, it won't matter what someone does to me, or says to me, as I will know HIS TRUTH, and because of that I won't be trapped in a prison of lies, where bitterness, hatred, anger, animosity, and unforgiveness are planted, cultivated, and ripened until all of those emotions come exploding out thus speaking death into this broken, fallen, and lost world.

" Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him." 1 John 3:15

HE is reminding me once again that HE was sent to live here on this EARTH to be THE LIGHT, to cast out the darkness, to be THE HOPE for all of mankind to cling to, so that when this world falls short, and hurts us, as we all fall short of HIS glory, as we are all flawed. HE is wanting me to speak HIS truth of WHO HE is, HE is THE SAVIOR, HE DIED to pay the price for all SINS, HE was crucified, and OVERCAME death, HE is RISEN, HE IS ALIVE, HE IS HERE, HE loves each and every single living soul.   HE is reminding me that HE is perfect, HIS peace is perfect, HIS grace is perfect, and because of that I know that I can, and will be able to live out HIS purpose for my life.

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world.Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

"This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence:  If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God  and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.  The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us." 1 John 3:19-24

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray today that you will know how much HE loves and desires a relationship with each and everyone of you.  I pray that you will know that HE wants to teach, lead, and guide you, not so that you will feel guilty because of your flaws, but rather so that you too can be made whole in HIM, as once you choose to follow HIM as your SAVIOR, you will know that your sins are forgiven, you've been give a clean slate, and HIS mercies are new every morning.  I pray that if you are hurting, because you too are struggling with thoughts that are speaking death to you, in you, and all around you, you will have the courage to spill your heart to HIM, and allow HIS truth to cover and wash out all the lies that are meant to destroy you.  I pray today that you will know that HE is there, and with HIM there is life, true life, abundant life.  I pray today that you will choose to take captive your thoughts.

always with compassion, understanding, grace, and love,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

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