Monday, July 15, 2013

"forbidden fruit"

"The nature of the flesh is to want what it thinks it cannot have, but once it has what it thought it wanted, the craving starts all over again."  Just like Adam and Eve felt shame for what they had done, I know that when I stray from HIS path HE has chosen for me I am filled with guilt and shame, because instead of doing the "right" thing, I choose the thrill of doing the "wrong" thing.  Therefore it is said to be "forbidden fruit."  I know that the more I try to hide from it, the more I crave it.

It is sad to me how many marriages are ending because of affairs.  One spouse decides that the other isn't "giving" them what they need.  When really they should be asking themselves, "am I giving them what they need?"  So they begin to look elsewhere, and they seem to "find" "greener pastures", and because they are married it is said to be "forbidden fruit."  While the thrill of sneaking around, and feeling "so alive" may feel like NOTHING they've ever experienced, GOD wants them to know that it is only temporary.  All too soon they will be filled with so much shame and regret.  Once they have had the taste of "forbidden fruit," then it will consume their minds and they will crave it, and eventually will seek after it until they are able to get their fill.  However, GOD wants them to know that they will NEVER receive their fill because it is NOT GOD honoring.  GOD wants them to know that they will always be trying to fill that void where HE belongs.  GOD wants marriage's to be based on the principle of  "living to make each other happy."  GOD says that when people do the "right" thing when it comes to their marriage HE will give them what they need in abundance.

 I know that when I feel like D isn't doing HIS part, I must first look at what I am doing, and if it is anything less than GOD honoring, I must change my ways, and start putting into our marriage of what I hope to receive.  In choosing to do the "right" thing I know that I am showing D that his happiness is important to me, and because I am showing him I love him, he will then in return want to do the same for me.

"Wishing does no good; only action changes things."

I know that rather than expecting D to make me happy, I must choose to allow GOD to equip me with the desire to live to make D happy.  I know that in order to be truly happy and not look for "greener pastures" I must choose to let go of all of my unrealistic expectations.  All too often I place way too much pressure on D to be the "ideal" or at least what I think the "ideal" husband is.  GOD wants me to know that HE made D exactly the way that HE intended.  HE has shown me that where I am weak D is strong, and where D is weak I am strong.  HE wants me to rid myself of the false image that I have in my mind for my marriage, and start living in the reality of my marriage.

D and I have been married for almost 15 years now, and we sure have had our ups and downs.  There hasn't been a single year of our married life where we haven't faced challenges.  However we know that when we keep GOD at the center of our marriage, then the knot is tied, and it cannot be broken.  I know that by choosing to walk closely with GOD HE will bring me closer to D.  I know that D and I are at our strongest when we both choose to allow our hearts and minds to be aligned with the LORD's will for our lives.  D and I decided ten years ago to make GOD be the center of our family.  This is a decision that we have NEVER regretted.  In choosing to let HIM lead us HE has brought us more joy and hope than we could ever imagine.

"Love is not a mere feeling.  It is a decision about how we will behave and treat people."

I will say that choosing to be lead isn't easy.  There is always going to be storms to strengthen our marriage along the way.  We just recently overcame a HUGE storm in our marriage.  I in my humanness was praying, "Lord please change him"  I did this repeatedly for months, however when I started getting into HIS word, and praying and seeking HIM earnestly on how to be the wife that D needs, HE showed me it was I, Heather that needed to change.  I wish I could say that I was totally on board at first, however that was so far from the truth.  The truth was this, I was angry, bitter, frustrated, and plain mad.... daily..... Anger was seeping into our marriage, and our "fights" were becoming more and more intense.  I was so busy being wrapped up in the selfish "need" to be right that I failed to see how badly I was treating D.  True as it was that he had changed, he certainly didn't deserve to be raked over the coals every single moment we were together by me.  When D finally reach his "breaking point,:" and let me know just how much my words and actions hurt him, GOD captured my heart and began a good work in me to change and  to build back up my marriage.  I was reminded once again that we fill in for each other in our strengths, and weaknesses.  I had forgotten, I was so busy wanting him to be my EVERYTHING, I forgot to seek the one who is my EVERYTHING.  GOD reminded me this morning about what loving D truly means:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.   It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

GOD wants me to love D just as HE loves him, HE wants me to honor, and cherish him.  HE wants me to build D up and pray for him.  In choosing to be married CHRIST followers we are called to protect the sacred vow that we made between each other and GOD.

"Though one may be overpowered,    two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

We must choose speak to one another in love, and be humble, instead of the need to "right."

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

I know that I have NEVER felt more alive, and happy than I have for the past sixty days of being in HIS word.  I am so thankful when I wake up every morning, and I get another chance to live out the life that HE has chosen for me.  I praise HIM and thank HIM every morning for my amazing husband D.  I truly live a blessed life with more blessings than I could have ever hoped for.

I pray today that if you are struggling in your marriage that you will turn your eyes to HIM.  I pray that you will choose to let go of your "feelings," and instead hold onto HIS truth.  I pray that you know that the truth is, "GOD is in the business of building marriage, not tearing them down."  I pray today that you will seek HIS truth, and allow HIM to be the center of your marriage.



  1. As usual, great insight, Heather! After 46 years of marriage, I say a hearty AMEN to your blog today! Donna

  2. Heard a quote, "don't fight with your husband, fight FOR you husband!"