Wednesday, July 10, 2013

so emotional

If you were to ask anyone from my childhood they would tell you that I was a very emotionally charged child.  I was always on edge about everything, I was always waiting for the "next thing."  I never knew whether or not I would receive love from one day to the next.  I did however know that I could count on that people would be mad at me.  I think it was then that I decided that in being emotional I received attention, and after all bad attention was better than no attention.  I often made decisions based upon how I felt, rather than doing what was right.  I lied, stole, and fought with a rage that was embedded so deep inside my soul, that it made it almost impossible for anyone to love me.  I was so emotional, because all I ever wanted was to feel cherished, loved, and wanted.

When I met D we were sixteen and seventeen.  I was going through a major storm at home, and was getting ready to go meet my birth-mother for the first time in twelve years.  Things had gotten so bad at home with my parents.  After years of abuse, lies, and manipulation that were thrust upon me, I picked a fight so big with my Dad and begged him to send me away for the summer.  I wasn't happy living at home, and all I could think of there has to be something better.  Little did I know I was walking right into Satan's trap.

Three months later I met "her."  She like me, was so emotional.  She cried over everything, and blamed EVERYONE for her problems.  When I confronted her about my past, she denied EVERYTHING.  I was crushed, broken, and alone.  I did however have D.  During our time apart he asked me to be his girlfriend, and asked me to move in with him.  We made plans for the next two months of how I would get back "home," and where we would live.  D and I wrote letters daily, and made phone calls to each other every night.  I would cry to him about my life, and he would try his best to help me.  We made plan after plan of how to get me "past" my past.  He was my rock and though we didn't know it yet, GOD began our "love story."

While I wish I could say that I outgrew being "so emotional," sadly that is not the case.  I have however, learned not to let my emotions control me.  I have learned that my future has NO room for my past.  That I must not dwell on my problems, but rather seek solutions, and then put them into action.  I know when I gave my life to CHRIST that HE began a good work in me, and boy have I been a "work in progress!"

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Throughout my walk with HIM I have had seasons where I was so stuck on all that had happened to me, I failed to see what HE was trying to do for me.  In being "so emotional," I missed out on so many blessings HE had for my life.  I know that I made the people around me weary, as I was always "so emotional."  I wanted justice, I craved it, I wanted someone to hear me, only what I failed to realize that the "someone" I needed was already hearing me, and was wanting me to shut up long enough to hear what HE was telling me.

When I began to speak the truth for my life, and what HE has done for me, my world began to radically change.  I know now that when I allow my emotions to be HOLY SPIRIT lead that I will not be "so emotional," therefore I can seek advice from godly people and I can make the necessary changes I need to, to move forward in my walk, and to allow HIM to strengthen my faith in HIM.

I know that when I allow GOD to control my personality I will become more balanced in my life.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being," Ephesians 3:16

I know that in order to receive balance in my life, I must "think" about what I am doing before I make commitments.  I know that instead of craving the need to be so emotional, and to have everyone and anyone listen to my problems, I must crave balance in my life.  I must not be emotionally lead.

I know that when I understand others, GOD will equip me to help them.  The same goes for me, when I understand myself, GOD will equip me to make the necessary changes I need to in my life to become CHRIST like.

"Many of the answers to the "why" questions in life are found in simply understanding more about yourself."

I know that when I am emotional I need to be careful not to tell the wrong person.  In doing so I will only become even more emotional.  I must remember that talking excessively about my problems can easily turn into complaining, and that is a sin.

"Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

Thankfully I am blessed with GOD's grace daily, and HIS mercies are new every morning!  I know that when I do find myself being "so emotional," I can repent, and will receive HIS forgiveness and HE will teach me how to correct my thinking for the next time that I feel "so emotional."  I know that instead of complaining GOD is wanting me to keep a thankful and joyful heart.  Though it may not be easy, I know that it is through the storms of my life that HE is growing and strengthening my faith in HIM.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.   And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

I know that in order for my life to be bearable through the storms I must declare: "I will trust GOD, I will praise HIM, HE will & does help me."  GOD doesn't want me to just "stuff" my emotions down.  HE wants me to admit to them, and them let HIM teach me, and lead me to do what is best for me.  I know the more I try to hide my emotions the more likely I am to explode (rage.)  Therefore, I must  learn to express myself in a godly way.  I must learn to keep my emotions in check.  I know that when I allow myself to be a negative person and emotionally lead I am opening the doors to sin in my life.  I know what GOD has does for me thus far, so I know I don't have any room or time to play on Satan's play ground!  I will choose to seek godly counsel when I have a problem so that there is NO room for sin in my life.

I pray today that if you like me are "so emotional," you will turn to HIM and let HIM guide you to making rational decisions.  I pray that you will seek HIM in your daily walk, and allow HIM to make the necessary changes in your life.  I pray that you will be set free from the bondage of being "emotionally lead," and become GODLY lead.  I pray that today you will choose NOT to play on Satan's playground and to take your ball and go HOME, home to the one who loves you and knows you best!


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